


That One Sided Smile

by BlueApple27



Category: Naruto
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys in Skirts, Drama & Romance, Falling In Love, Hurt, M/M, Points of View, Regret, Secret Identity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:35:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24644935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueApple27/pseuds/BlueApple27
Summary: I'm Uchiha Sasuke, has married the most beautiful courtesan of the land by the name Haruno Sakura; a man in perfect disguise.If only society could accept the kind of string of fate we forged. I just want us to be free...to love but not when Mother is pestering us for a child!How were we supposed to do that...?By the time I realised, the stench of trouble began to brew.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke





	1. Voiceless Beauty

**Voiceless Beauty**

** That One Sided Smile - One **

It was that one second; a spark; that gush of sensation from the exchange of a glance. A moment of coincidental alignment; our eyes locked from a distance. 

Beautiful, beautiful green jadeite eyes, my heart skipped. 

I was totally entranced by that piercing gaze and that it enslaved my attention out of the bustling commotion of this busy brothel. 

It's an evening of another weekend; when the hour is young and so does man himself. 

In this time of era, the Red Light District is popular; a district that calls for the lust, the rich, the poor and all man has. 

If it wasn't for the sake of accompanying a friend, I would hardly step into these grounds. I’m all about drinks and chatter around here, beyond that I claim to be innocent. Never had I slept with a courtesan or any other women in the past.

But. 

If it's with  **her** ...I might think again.

Yes, her. 

She who held my attention high from the distance as I sat at the far most end of this hall and there she was, 

Poised, she sat on the stage. In expensive silk and red organza, her long pink hair left to fall around her illustrating a delicate and grand atmosphere. And there it came, 

That single gesture. At her red painted lips, 

_ A one sided smile.  _

It was definitely for me. 

Like none other, she's a courtesan. The elegance of how she plucked the strings of her instrument and the flawless sliding to each note after another along the fingerboard distinguishes her from the rest of her kind. 

Her eyes looked nowhere; not even a glance to worry about doing the wrong note, only but to gaze straight. Towards me.

She was an utmost beauty. 

Obviously, she's the prized courtesan of this place and men flocked from miles to watch her performance. I was by coincidence to be graced by her this evening.

"Sasuke, hey, Sasuke!"

The sudden arm around my shoulders gave me quite the shock; this guy's Kiba, one of my pals. He's a drinker and drinks hard and he's more like me, not in for the ladies. Not forgetting to mention that this place serves exceptionally good liquor. The only reason we frequent this place. 

"If I were you...hick...I wouldn't keep staring at her...," this drunkard spoke interesting words.

"She's not for the ordinary. And I heard she's still virgin," he whispered, aside from his bad breath from the booze, my interest piqued. 

I was never more interested; ever more interested in a person such as the beauty who continued to entertain the masses with her silent charm: her smile. 

Flawless, just flawless. Her dressing. Her music. Her everything was just flawless. 

"How?"

My voice left on its own leaving behind a nervous lump in my throat, I asked Kiba,

"How can I have her?"

My dark haired friend raised his eyebrows, though the sight of blushed cheeks indicated he’s becoming drunk, he began laughing... and coughing,

"She costs more than you think, buddy. I heard even the Mama refused to sell her off for any riches so...you know what I mean." He downed a cup of that strong booze in one gulp.

_ (Mama: head of the brothel)  _

“Tycoons from far and wide could hardly sleep her,” he continued as he poured the next cup. “I don’t wanna be rude buddy. You?” Kiba sighed and patted my shoulder, telling me that it was impossible. 

I didn't know what ran over me, all I knew that there was this uncontrollable feeling; a ringing from a far distance in the back of my head telling me that the person in the center of that stage this evening was the one I've been waiting for. 

Intuition? 

I am Uchiha Sasuke; a man of perfect height, pure black haired and eyes, a family trait. A rather handsome twenty seven year old young lad I'd say so myself.

When it comes to my family, I'm the second son of the Uchiha family and the only son left since my older brother died from illness. I was rather young to even remember what he looked like except moments of his bullies by poking my forehead. Mother said I look just as good as him or should I rephrase he looked as good as me? And talk about inheriting family fortunes. Yup, that'll be me. But not unconditioned. 

If I had to marry a wife and have a family with no doubt I've made up my mind...

***

And I've made up my mind to take all this to the grave. After all, this person standing by me right now was the same person whom I decided to wife a year ago. 

Yes, smooth as it seems.

With all the luck that hailed over me that fine day and with every summoned courage, I stormed into the brothel, spoke to the Mama and gained her approval. It was beyond my expectations to be this simple, I remembered the Mama’s sincere smile the moment she held my hand whispering a few words.

‘You will do.’

We wed the day I paid off the debts from the shoulders of my beloved. Donned in the traditions of red sown with the finest embroidery of gold thread and adorned in all that expensive gold jewelry to be wed off. 

And behind that veil, was the red painted one sided smile I was charmed with. 

I remember.

We didn’t have a grand ceremony despite that it is common among renowned Families; an event to parade their wealth and power by inviting bigwigs and royalty. But not for me and my bride, it was a quiet and peaceful private ceremony with the necessary traditions and rites and people. Fine dine and wine definitely.

And that same evening, was the night I could never forget. Our wedding night. The one I'm about to bed was the one I made a vow with, promised with and to accompany life with. I had the littlest idea of what intimacy was about.

To me it’s an exchange. Both outerly, innerly.

Hmm...Do we share the same thought, I wondered?

There, waiting, my partner sat on the edge of our bed.

Upon my arrival, the beauty looked at me, those were the gazes that have made me fall deeply in love with. As my eyes traveled down to those delicate lips, I gently touched them and they arched blissfully and down my fingers went to reach for the collar of that wedding dress. Such beautiful skin hidden under this interfering fabric, I decided to pull them apart to wholly reveal everything behind it.

Fair, fair skin. 

That it glistens at the angle of light; a very lustful sheen with pale presences of pink made me swallow nervously. I felt the adrenaline strain my veins at the sight and that I almost forgot how to breathe. Especially...looking downwards,

Shyly between those legs so long and slender;  **it** was so pink and petite, resembling its owner. That member.

Correct, a  **man** . 

My darling wife, whom I married was none other than the famous courtesan of the land; by the name,

_ Haruno Sakura. _

Resembled the beauty of the delicate petals of cherry blossoms in spring. Especially that one sided smile; so fleet, so beautiful. She...He is the utmost beauty the world has to offer… To me. 

In the skin of a woman. The perfect wo-man.

This was the secret that I'm prepared to soil it away. Not only from the world, especially my mother....

"I'm getting impatient, son."

Her quiet yet stern voice. Mother sipped tea before directing her gaze at me again.

I'm scared.

As an adult, there's nothing scarier than mother. Uchiha Mikoto, current Head of the Family after the passing of my father. Tragedy fell upon his ship in an encounter of an evening storm five years ago and that was the last I saw him. It was regrettable that the family had to experience the loss of leading men; both father and older brother. Their absence had placed responsibilities on mother, soon on me.

Sigh...I always wished to live a quiet life with worry-free days. I guess...not.

After marriage, now mother has begun to throw THE unavoidable question at me. I know she’s trying hard to keep things in order and be a little more traditional; making sure that she molds her son into a responsible man for the future of the Uchiha Family. Consequently, bear children.

But.

Could that be possible?

"Sasuke!"

Mother’s voice startles me every time that I’d flinch. 

I pulled myself back to reality before drifting off too far. Trouble was just sooner or later, I sighed innerly. As for my partner in crime, he stood prettily; his height that matches mine though I’m taller, duh! He was gifted with a petite structure as a male that made him take a slender body. Everything about him speaks of femininity. It was his perfect disguise.

As long as he stayed silent…

"Sakura," mother called.

I grew nervous. Knowing that mother would give up pursuing me on her question and ended up targeting my partner. 

Sakura smiled calmly in response. 

Honestly, he has a better sense of control in situations like these. As my nervousness continued to build, I helplessly stood by him without a word hoping not to make things worse. 

"As a mother, I wish not to lecture too much but when it comes down to responsibility, I just need to."

And mother went on and on as she preached, again, on the Uchiha family history and how she had to take the role as monarch out of the blue and how hard it was for her to keep up with duties as she is growing old and how she worried about me, the family, the reputation...blah...blah...and could hardly face my late father! 

Really...I could recite Mikoto’s Sutra! 

“Sigh...Do you understand now, Sakura?” Mother rubbed her temple after recapitulating her worries. “You will understand this after you’ve become a mother...,” directing to the pink haired female. 

“I just wanted a grandson. Is that too much to ask?” this time mother looked at me. I avoided her eyes knowing that her request was really too much to ask from the two of us. 

I felt guilty.

That moment, Sakura slowly walked up to mother and gently rubbed her back to soothe her with a smile. Her jade bangles began to cling as my pink haired beauty spoke to mother in sign language, that made her all the more elegant than any other female I could have married.

Oh, I forgot to mention. Sakura uses hand signs to hide his voice whenever he speaks to the rest of other people...of course, me as an exception and on top of an exception when no one is around. 

So let me introduce Haruno Sakura once more:

Well known as the Voiceless Beauty of the Red Light District. People think he’s mute but nevertheless, his customers minded nothing for a courtesan for being unable to sing. Everyone admired his beauty, a touch for playing musical instruments of sorts and dance of unparalleled gracefulness.

Someone beyond this realm of time!

Okay, I’m exaggerating a bit. I mean...the truth isn’t too far from that.

I had to thank it all to the Mama. If it wasn’t for her, I don’t think I could have deserved him. Not today, not ever. 

To accept the Haruno twins of brother and sister under her wing from a very young age the day they were sold to the brothel. Whatever reason the Mama had for her to decide so, I do not know. Perhaps it was something called...destiny? All I ever learned from my wife was that the Mama secretly kept him in the lower kitchen of the brothel where he stayed and made his living.

Boys in the trade valued less to none and were handed over to the Lower District; infamous for Black Markets and slavery fetching cheap prices. While his younger sister was cultured to be a courtesan in order to pay both their debts. 

He was lucky enough to live a hidden life and luck made up to him further the day his sister died of asthma. He replaced her with the same face, took up her name and alone, shouldered the debts he was left with. And lived a new form of life as a woman ever since while bringing fame to ‘his’ name.

But that should all be kept secret. 

That. 

I promise Mama and Sakura. 

Returning from history, I watched mother made a clueless face as she could not understand the meaning of Sakura’s sign language and turned to me questionably, 

“What did she say, son?”

“Oh...ah...Sakura said we’ll do our best. Please do not worry,” I translated. 

Oh oh oh no way...! 

Do our best? What does he mean do our best? 

How are we supposed to make  **something** when we don't have that  **something** !?

Sakura smiled innocently and continued to massage mother's shoulders.


	2. The Price of Lust

**The Price of Lust**

** That One Sided Smile - Two **

Closing the door behind me, made sure it was locked, I sighed as I leaned against the solid oak. After that long ‘meeting’ with mother, it sure was tiring enough to have us retreating back to our room. I realised mother was getting persistent.

Somehow, I had to come up with a plan...

Before that, let me rest for a while. Take time to relax by watching this beautiful moment.

At the dressing table, my darling pink-haired carefully removed her jewelry; from his jade bangles to his necklace then makeup. I continued to watch him undo everything necessary before a shower. The afternoon light that shone from the balcony into our bedroom engulfed him with its radiance. Sakura seemed glowing with warmth. I couldn’t help myself but to approach.

Slowly, I reached out for that slender waist from behind, embraced him and buried my head into his neck. The perfume from his dress hindered me from picking up the scent of his skin. 

“Sasuke.”

His calling. 

A voice so deep, not coarse but a little manlier than mine. It was clear and crisp. Rich and elegant. To my ears, it was something precious. Listening to him was a wait of a long time when there would be days he wouldn’t speak at all to avoid unnecessary trouble. With that, I wouldn’t know if he’s actually a talkative person.

I don’t consider myself talkative. Erm...I guess one of us has to do more talking than the other to keep things aflame?

Communication, right?

I peeked out from his shoulder in response to his quiet call. He fears being overheard and I pretended I didn’t hear to tease him. For greed, I want to listen more. I want him to speak my name more. And the only one he calls with that voice.

“Sasuke.”

More.

“Sasuke.”

One more time.

“Darling.”

Immediately I perked, looking at him in the mirror; a rare occurrence for him to call me so. Startled, yes but I love it. 

Sakura smiled knowingly. 

He wasn’t the romantic sort, I assume. He hardly teased or joked. Rather shy and reserved even after we were married. It has only been a year and we never dated before our union. The both of us were somewhat...connected and never did I ask for the reason for his willingness to be wed to me. All I knew he wanted to share his time, life and secrets with me...one at a time. 

Yes, I’m in no hurry. 

Life living to fit the shoes of another person must be hard. Fearing anyone would uncover his secret and living in solitude without anyone to share. 

Could I say that I was glad that I came along?

“You’re spacing out again...,” he gently tapped my nose.

Without cosmetics, he looked more innocent and fragile, made me want to embrace him tightly; protect him. I was glad. That I’m the only one who could see the true side of him. And,

“Akira...”

I whispered his name.

His truest name. The name he was born with. Not anyone else’s but his. 

He is...Haruno Akira.

The elder twin brother. The ‘Sakura’ I love, not his twin sister. But him. 

“Akira...”

Only when we are together like this, I’m able to call out to his real name. 

“Akira...”

Like his name, his eyes glistened in the brightness of day. With my domineering height, I admired every inch of this beautiful male. Our silent embrace lasted a while before he uttered,

“Could you undo the buttons of my dress for me?” he requested.

Certainly despite it would be a hassle since it was a long stretch of small buttons lined at the back of his dress. I wonder how he got them done without my assistance this morning. With them undone, the dress began to fall apart. Revealing what I like to see.

Bare fair skin. 

Flawless with few tiny scattered moles on his back.

His shoulder blades were prominent and the sight of his backbones were slightly protruding; emphasizing how slim he was. Has he been eating enough lately? As a husband I came to question my ability to care for his wife.

Gently, I ran the tip of my index finger along his surfacing spine. Some guilt began to eat inside of me that I’ve not done enough for my lover when I was the one who asked for his hand. I should have provided more. Make him suffer nothing yet...

It will happen. 

We understood we could bear no child.

That is the fact.

Our anatomy was designed so. 

A little bit, I felt unfair. Our Creator led us men to have no option to bear children with our bodies and the blessing was granted to women. If only everything had options... 

In the midst of my own thoughts, a hand came to derail it. Sending me back into reality, back to the current moment where I faced a pair of green eyes staring into me. Searching for my attention. 

And he kissed me. Wetting my lips with his tongue. 

I could say Sakura isn’t a great kisser and is learning very hard to impress me. Frankly, I’m not a good kisser either, just slightly better. The only ones I kissed were a couple of teenage girlfriends of the past; a handful said that I had room to learn. 

“Ouch!”

I flinched when I felt a stung on my lip.

Sakura must have accidentally got too rough in trying hard but the smirk on his lips showed that it wasn’t an accident at all. 

Where the hell did he learn to do that!?

Painful. But I like it!

His sudden wild side caught me off guard and piqued my lust.

“I’m going to eat you!” I growled cunningly and scooped him off his feet. 

Startled, he covered his mouth from a yelp. I showed no mercy and threw him on our bed, stripped him bare till he was left with pieces of lingerie. He tried to resist but he was no match for me; teasingly I caressed his sweet spot that I knew well. As expected he covered his mouth to prevent from moaning too loud during this time of day. 

Seeing him struggle from submitting to the pleasure, I struck him with surprise again; slip my hand where he would definitely surrender. My dear flower buried his face into my chest, grabbed my shirt, wrinkling it. His breath was heavy and hot from the arousal, making me excited the more. 

“S-Stop, Sasuke...,” he begged.

I smirked,

“I thought someone started this?” I whispered into his ear followed by a lick. 

“Sa...suke...M-Mother is...waiting for me...to go to the temple...with her. Ah!”

Ignoring him, I continued to have my way as I pleased. Reached out to places I could definitely get a reaction out of him; those sweet moans and breathless pleas. How could I let him off without finishing what I’ve begun?

Yes, I thought I could. 

Knock. Knock. Knock!

“Madam? Madam,” the muffled voice of our family butler came from behind the door. “Madam Mikoto is expecting you in a while.”

Drats.

Forcefully, Sakura pushed me away. He had the strength when he needed probably stronger than me, I realised. 

Great. Now look who’s unfinished. I sulked on bed while my wife hurried to change. He blamed me for not getting a shower which he planned to and applied a bit of blush powder and lipstick. 

“Hey...” I hugged him from behind. 

He eyed me without a word. 

“I love you, Akira,” kissed him once. “I love you, Sakura,” kissed him another.

Intentionally I called him so that he would be clear that no matter who he needed to be; I would always love him. 

In silence, my pink haired lover glanced over his shoulder to me before he left without another word. I sighed. Guess he still needed time…

Again, the afternoon sun was piercing into the room, warming the place a little; making me sleepy. I flopped onto the bed, planning to drift off on a nap not when the door came knocking disruptively. 

“What is it?” pissed I was. 

“Young master. You have a guest. I shall serve tea in the  **Second Library** .”

Albert, the family butler informed. The good man has been around since the time of my father and loyally did he serve. He is observant and careful. Judging by the tone of his message, there shall be an exceptional guest who wished for my audience. And I have a good guess who it may be. 

.

.

“It’s not the first for me to be here, I still find your mansion rather too large. It dizzies me for trying to navigate along so many corridors. I wonder how you’d get by?”

This woman smirked at the end of her sentence. From sipping tea from the cup’s brim and placing the teacup back to its saucer quietly, her gestures were completely out of practiced grace. Just like how she taught my wife. 

“Lady Tsunade. I’m flattered that the Mama of the Red Light District came all the way to visit me,” I teased. “It’s been a while, Mama.”

“It  **has** been a year.” She placed down her teacup onto the table then glanced around the room; corner to corner. 

“Worry not, Mama. This is my secret study room. No one knew there’s such a place except for the butler. Hardly anyone would come to the Second Library without the intention to search redundant Archives.” 

Setting her at ease, she began.

It was clear that someone such as her wouldn’t possibly pay petty visits without important matters. 

“It’s about Sakura’s parents. I had a hunch that they are back in these lands.” 

The blonde woman sounded serious but I couldn’t connect to the meaning of her thoughts. My confusion must have been illustrated upon my face for her to sigh helplessly. 

“They could tell right away that  **this** Sakura is their son. Not their daughter.”

Oh, here I thought it was something so important. 

“You don’t take me seriously do you, Mr. Uchiha?”

And here I learned that this honey colour eyed woman was psychic!

“You don’t have to be so worked up, I understand men more than you understand yourself. Besides, you are utterly exposed to your thoughts, Mr. Uchiha.”

I smirked. Now I couldn’t let this woman get all high and mighty around my turf, eh?

“Why not tell me more about Sakura’s parents, Mama.”

“Right. I said I believed that the Harunos were back in the area, not precisely sure. I’ve hired a professional to get answers though.”

“You’re too concerned, Mama.”

She snorted,

“I’m guessing Sakura didn’t mention anything about his parents. Probably they were too young the day they came to me. Those innocent twins...”

I retained my silence with the will of learning whatever information this woman was about to share. This should be something worth listening to. 

“The Harunos’ daughter; Akira’s sister was not a virgin when she came to me.”

“What...?”

“I dared not to believe my intuition at first glance when I saw the little girl. The Haruno adults were desperate for money when they turned their children in. I gave them the lowest price...still they took it.”

She paused.

“Thinking back..I was glad they sold their children to me. ‘Haruno Sakura’ made more money than I’d imagine. Hohoho!”

She laughed aloud. I shook my head helplessly. Suddenly she stopped. The atmosphere dimmed along with her silence. 

“That’s the reason I came to warn you about. Never let the Harunos meet Sakura.”

Staring right into me, she demanded me to heed her. Whatever reason was there, she didn’t care to explain but demanded my promise. What choice do I have but to agree when it was just the two of us in this isolated room. I might get myself strangled if I defy her!

Her flaming character died away, no longer poised, she sat laid back on the chair,

“That little girl really was no longer a virgin, I checked. She was abused. There were lacerations in her female’s. An evidence of forceful encounter. I doubt it was by accident when the girl didn’t seem to mind it at all,” she bit her lacquered nail, recalling. 

“She seemed...like...she was convinced into it. Her adults had their way with her, perhaps they offered her to some rich psycho before selling her off. Children just wouldn’t understand logic!” she hammered on the armrest. 

Aside from being a Mama, she deeply believed in justice. I finally caught a glimpse of history and a part of whom Lady Tsunade truly is. Her efforts to make her presence here, I cherish. Even after Sakura was married to me, she still wanted to protect him as a child she always cared for. 

“Rest assured, Lady Tsunade.”

I reached out a hand onto the hers in expression of my sincerity to uphold my promise. She nodded.

“Well, enough of that. How are you two? How is he doing? I doubt he did a good job satisfying your needs. A field I taught him less about. Hohoho!”

The atmosphere took an upbeat from the gloom and dim. Her laughter thundered again out of her own amusement. 

“You are right indeed, Mama,” I sighed in agreement, recalling the hour earlier. “Mama.”

She glanced at me from the corner of her eye in response to my call. It doesn’t matter if it sounded impossible or stupid. Probably this woman has better ideas, 

“Is there any way...a man can be pregnant?”

I watched her pause temporarily. Flicking her long nails as she began to search for an answer in mind.

“No.”

Here I thought there was the slightest possibility to my absurd question. Disappointed, I let out a sigh. 

“You could always marry a woman.”

“Never.

Firmly I answered without the hesitation.

“I would never marry a second wife.”

“Even if your Family ends with you?”

I know that fact.

Out of all people to remind me, this lady wasn’t ashamed to speak about sensitive topics. Despite it IS the truth. It was decided, I selfishly decided that. Mother would be bitterly upset if she knew. After all her efforts to upkeep the Family. I let her down in more ways than I could imagine. 

But I...

“People are selfish beings; choosing the ones that their heart desires from a momentary spark and the next thing they regret facing the consequences. They’d throw it away and left running. Everything has consequences. Like a scale, one side has to be sacrificed for another. You just have to weigh its profits.”

I was silent. Not because I wanted to. I was lost for words, could reply nothing. 

Was the decision I’ve made, entirely wrong?

In the eyes of the public in the times we live in, this relationship was unacceptable. We would be shunned, shamed and discriminated... But what is done is done. The band on my finger symbolised our union, our vows and promises. 

Would the answer of sacrificing Sakura be the option to make worse for the better?

There has to be a way...

“Uchiha Sasuke. You are the one I chose to marry off my boy to. Because I know you will do the right thing.” Tsunade smiled. 

Her words were deep. 

Lady Tsunade was a smarter woman than I knew she was. It turned out I do not quite read between her words. But one thing, she believed in me that I am the one for Sakura.

What could I do?

What was it I should do?

Mama leaned forward with a smirk,

“I look forward to a happy ending, Mr. Uchiha.”

I just couldn’t get this woman. 

  
  



	3.  The Sin of Hypocrisy

**The Sin of Hypocrisy**

** That One Sided Smile - Three **

**_Voice of Sakura…_ **

GONG…

GONG…

GONG...

The sound of that large bell, the thickening smell of incense and the endless mantra chants of monks; the temple was as busy everyday. People took the hassle to leave from wherever they came from just to pray for their hopes, their dreams, anything. 

Hoping their prayers could be answered by the All Mighty.

Lifting my head, the statue of God stood towering over everything else with a benevolent facial expression while maintaining a powerful ambiance. Indeed an overwhelming feeling that one was being watched upon their deeds and mischief. 

Beside me was mother, Uchiha Mikoto. 

We came here an hour ago and ever since she prayed and paid her respects toward the deity. She bowed over and over again with her sincerest. 

For me, I prayed. Not as much as she did. I only asked for peaceful days and good health for those who I care for. There was nothing much I had to be greedy of. The life today was already a gift from the Above. And that I am alive.

“Sakura.” Mother called. “Perhaps you would like to take a walk outside. I’ll be done as soon as I’m finished.”

I nodded. 

Dusting off the ashes of sandalwood, I made my way out of the temple hall. The air was much refreshing outside compared to the stuffy atmosphere inside. With the temple grounds that sat high above the city, the view stretched far beyond from what I could see from home. 

It’s a soothing sight. The lightness of these fleeting winds calm one’s mind. 

I wished Sasuke was here to see it as well.

Today, I’m a different person. Not the one who lived a life worthy only for my own. I shared a part of me; to connect with another. Uchiha’s second son; Uchiha Sasuke.

It has been a year, I know. 

Thinking about him, I shook my head helplessly. The lingering feeling of his touches and the strength of his embrace, thinking about it made me flush.

It’s not that I don’t want to...I just...I don’t know...

Despite it wasn’t our first time like our wedding night; the night when I ruined the mood by punching him in the face and hid in the cupboard. I was nervous, very nervous. To be embraced by someone, a man. The one whom I called husband, not even my lover. Our relationship wasn’t as intimate during the earlier days of our marriage. But I wasn’t too surprised when Mama decided to give me away; to this man. I didn’t ask why she particularly chose him either. She had good eyes I admit.

I am aware that Sasuke took all the effort to make me comfortable; gave me a home, a new life and a new identity. He made me find new strength to vision newer days.

He is a kind man to begin with.

Above all else  **is** that he truly loves me.

That made me question: 

_ Do I really love him?  _

Not because he was kind but him as my husband.

Were these feelings came out of courtesy in response to his kindness? 

Or am I growing to love this man? 

I am confused. 

A year together felt too short for me to judge myself when I thought I had these feelings sorted out. I don’t mind him domineering me, having his fantasies all over me or ravish me...for I trust this man. Somehow, I felt I couldn’t move a step further into his world…

For one thing: I am a man too.

Back in the temple, I overheard mother’s prayers with every effort for her son and ‘daughter-in-law’, me. To have a safe home, our well-being and have children soon. The typical prayer from a traditional woman.

She’s a wonderful person aside from strict days she has a role to play as Lady. I suppose Sasuke has seen more than I have which made me less fearful around her. 

For someone like her, should I think that she deserved better as well? 

Am I who others call a hypocrite?

Not for riches, not for fame, not for all that the Uchiha Family has but their son.

‘Sasuke…’

I’m starting to think that I do love him in some way. 

It’s just that it’s growing. 

“Mrs. Uchiha.”

I turned towards the calling; a title I wasn’t quite used to.

This elderly monk has been serving the temple for a lifetime and has been greeting me since the first time I visited the temple. 

He minded nothing about my past or who I was or what I was. A courtesan or not, a man or a woman, he minded nothing about me but smiled sincerely at my presence every time we met. 

I am certain that there was nothing to hide from this wise monk. Yet he wasn’t shaken even if he knew who I truly am. He spoke nothing about the true me and told no one anything about it. 

Other than Sasuke and Mama, he has done me a huge favour; treated me like everyone else, protected my dignity.

I am grateful. 

He earned every respect I could give, bowing to him just doesn’t feel enough to express my gratitude.

“Mrs. Uchiha, you need not be so polite. I understand your inner intentions. Please lift your head.”

I smiled and so did he.

“What is there to doubt when there is nothing to doubt…”

Aa, he spoke my mind.

“But heed me one thing, dear child.” He paused. “Everything has its calling and every word has its time.”

I sighed at heart...no one could understand those words better than I do. 

_ The truth. _

One day…mother should know about it. Although Sasuke promised that no word shall be mentioned to mother but I always thought that lying to her was already a sin.

I am  **THE** sin as a whole.

“What is done is done, what is not done shall be done. Fear is what blinds us to see what is better after fear.”

I bowed thankfully.

Knowing what to do…

“Sakura.”

Mother was finally done with her prayers and came to meet me. She greeted the monk respectfully before the both of us decided to leave the temple grounds.

“Sakura. Here this is for you. And this is for Sasuke. I got these charms for you two...it’s a prayer for fertility!” she said excitedly. “Maybe tonight the both of you might work it out now that there’s a charm!”

See what I mean.

With these false hopes, I felt guiltier. 

.

.

Returning to the Uchiha estate, the day was already at sunset. Lights were lit inside the mansion and I could see a familiar male passing along the hallway through the window as I arrived outside. 

The Uchihas were one of the noble families of the land and they significantly hold a good amount of riches from businesses and inheritance. This mansion for instance, with vast acres of surrounding gardens was an image of wealth and power. 

And I am married to this family.

“Lady Mikoto. Madam Sakura. Welcome back.”

Albert, the family butler, came to the door. 

“Where is that boy?” Mother asked, referring to her son.

“I’m here.” That raven haired male came trotting. “Why does it sound like I play hide-and-seek all the time?”

“Are you?”

“Mother. I’m a man already.”

“And a man would know what a man  **should** do.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes knowing what she meant and before he realised, mother stuffed the charm we came back with into his hand.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“It’s a good luck charm. Specifically for enhancing fertility!”

“Oh, mother!” Grumpily, “Why must you always bring that up? Sakura and I will do our best. No need for superstition!”

“That’s exactly the case when I wasn’t given any confidence and resorted to superstition.” She pointed at her son. “After tonight, I want to hear good news!”

And the demanding woman left deeper into the house. 

Just me and my husband standing speechlessly. Sasuke was utterly clueless, staring at the ornament he was left with at hand.

He sighed.

.

.

As night fell. Winds blew colder. Sasuke decided to shut the balcony doors of our room. From the mirror of my dressing table, I saw him make a troubled look as he rested his forehead against the glass. 

In pyjamas, I brushed my hair for the last time before placing it away and paced up to the concerned male. Being in his deep green silk pyjamas made him look taller I believed. At the sight of me, he gave me a smile then stroked my head before kissing my forehead then lovingly claimed my lips.

His gentleness was far beyond compare to the men that I encountered during my days at the Red Light District. Although I hardly served customers and Mama would always be by me and drinks were the only services I could offer, only to particular guests; those few experiences were enough for me to judge. 

Sasuke was a man of pureness at heart; the reason I became intoxicated towards his character.

All the reason I need not to part with this man.

His dark irises, they darted at every inch of my face; searching for an answer to his query in mind. 

“Sasuke…”

I wished he would say something first but since he wasn’t going to, I decided to take the lead.

“Let’s tell mother.”

He wore a puzzled expression upon the meaning of my vague statement. A bit did he guess but refrain himself from believing that he was right.

“Let’s be honest with mother.”

“Never!”

He turned away as soon as I spelled it out. 

“Why not?”

“Are you joking, Sakura?” he asked me in disbelief. “Has prayer cleansed you from logic as well?” anger grew in his held-back tone. 

I understood this wasn’t going to be easy but what if?

What if things weren’t as we seem to expect?

What if there’s a chance mother would accept?

What if...she already knew? And was just waiting for us to tell her?

What if?

What if?

What if...!?

Sasuke wasn’t wrong and I knew it was the best choice; to continue this charade that we started. We could not hide it forever but telling mother was a gamble and deep down we knew it would be a losing one. Mother was a traditional woman so to speak. 

Everything would go down in shambles. Mother would be furious. I will be hated. And when word gets out, The Uchiha family would be soiled of their long forged reputation, the good to this day would end. Because of me. But. 

Just ‘What if’...she accepts?

Sasuke and I could place down our worries. Mother wouldn’t pester him and he could be free from the guilt and so do I. Before everything turned too late and people would get far too hurt, I wished to tell the truth. 

“Hey, Sakura. Listen to me...,” whispering, his large hands held my shoulders.

There, the feeling of assurance. 

“Everything is going to be okay...I promise you. We are never going to tell mother or anyone in the world. You are a woman in the eyes of everyone else, but you are who you are in front me. Only me...”

“I can never bear--” Sasuke cut me short when I tried to speak.

“I came up with a plan.”

And whatever that would be, fear just drew over me. My heart couldn’t stop racing out of worry and couldn’t help to blurt,

“Do you regret?”

His brows formed a confused arch along with disbelief.

Seeing him silent, I pressed,

“Why did you marry me?” I said. “Out of many people, why me?”

Sasuke bit his lower lip without a word and that his hands slipped away from my shoulders. He fixated his eyes with mine while wearing that blank expression. That moment, I couldn’t guess his thoughts even a little. We were silent for a while, listening to the howling wind outside we continued to stare at each other. 

Until,

“I don’t know,” ending with a smile. “I just don’t know, my love.”

Why?

Tell me, Uchiha Sasuke. 

Tell me you regret marrying me.

Give me a reason to do something; leave you. 

Give me some hate; despise you. 

Anything but love.

I pressed my hands against my chest so hard that tears began rolling down my cheeks. The pain in my heart was a turbulence between hurt and bliss. As I said, this an unexpected gift that I was ever granted. He is the greatest gift to me even if I were to come down to nothing but only skin. 

“Then do you regret following me?” he tilted my chin, a thumb to rub off my tears. 

What does he want me to answer?

If it was the first day that we met, I would have a definite answer. 

I’m Uchiha Sakura now. I don’t think I would want to change that for a while.

“Could you finish what we’ve started, darling?”

A smile decorated the corner of my husband’s lips. Lowering his head, our foreheads touched; we exchanged the sounds of our breaths and heat from this distance. Courageously, I held his face to kiss him on the lips and with all my efforts to keep him craving for more. That was the least I could do, the rest shall be his lead.

****WARNING: Skip the Italics, not for the underage or weak hearted. For those who can handle the heat, it’s gonna get spicy (that...depends how you imagine it)!**

_ His hand journeyed under my satin dress; from my thigh, passed along my navel, up to my rib and further to my breast. He silenced me with his mouth from yelping too loudly the moment he grabbed it. _

_ At first it was a massage but as he grew aroused, he turned rougher. Forgetting that lump of meat was still part of me. I didn’t push him away and endured some of the pain. It’s bittersweet pain, an addictive one. _

_ I yelped aloud when he unexpectedly bit my neck and gradually sunk his teeth further into my skin, deeper to my flesh. Like a carnivore pinning its prey. And that wasn’t the last; from my collar bone to my shoulder to my arm, he left marks wherever he visited and that it aches from his unrestrained strength. _

_ I grew weak from his attacks; I could sense that he was taking revenge on me for stopping him this afternoon. Compensation comes with a hefty price, that’s what I’ve learned from this entrepreneur. _

_ With every ounce of strength, I pushed him away creating a distance to make him face me. _

_ “Wait, Sasuke.” I demanded his attention. “Let me.” _

_ I realised that it was rude of me to cut him in the midst of the heat. All I wanted was to do something for him a little; a ‘woman’ has to make ‘her’ man feel good too. Which I know I lack in many skills. But I’ll try. _

_ Let me see... _

_ Nervous, I unbuttoned his silk top. No matter how many times I’ve dressed my husband before, right now I would mess it up. My fingers were shaking uncontrollably making me clumsy. In the end, Sasuke ran out of patience and removed the rest himself.  _

_ “Wait, I--” _

_ “You’re too slow, my love.” _

_ He never gave me a chance to perform; to prove my worth. It was all petty to him when he’s being driven by hormones so much that his silk pants exposed his level of arousal. I grew a little embarrassed at the sight even though it wasn’t much different for myself, at least I did put on some undergarments. But not for long... _

_ Sasuke had me stripped without a piece of clothing to spare and pushed me onto our bed; the soft linen was cool and comfortable as I laid bare before the heat of his body domineered above mine. _

_ I have no means to fight him this evening; wholly submitting myself to this intimacy, I too wished to be given love in many ways. I had a tired day after all... _

_ The raven male caressed my body starting from my collar bone, slowly, all the way down and to the very bottom where a man’s most sensitive. He teased it to his heart’s joy. And further down he went exploring.  _

_ “Sa--!”  _

_ Sasuke covered my mouth with one hand to keep me quiet. He knew that I would flinch as I did. The striking sensation inflicted upon me was the cause of an unanticipated intrusion of his finger; usually he would whisper sweet warnings of every next move yet tonight he was inconsiderate.  _

_ Inconsiderate he was! _

_ That nefarious male had me flipped over, exposing my back. Running his tongue all over me, brand me more with his teeth; there was no time to feel disgusted, again he flipped me back to face him. A sinister smirk was on his face watching how confused and helpless I was. _

_ This is punishment.  _

_ “Sasuke...why are yo--Mmf!” _

_ I know what’s coming. The way he lifted my leg followed by the feeling that something ‘parked’ at the bottom of me. It was only a matter of time-- _

_ “MMFF!!” _

_ I tried to scream. _

_ Sasuke’s hand that pressed against my mouth was too strong for me to remove and I was weakened the moment the penetration came before I was mentally prepared. I’m slow in these things and we usually took all the time I needed until I was ready.  _

_ The jolt. These thrusts. Symbolised our unity.  _

_ Sadly, our intimacy couldn’t create life.  _

_ However... _

_ It gave me life.  _

_ To choose. _

_ To be free. _

_ And to understand one important lesson; _

_ Never leave a man with unfinished business.  _


	4. A Selfish Act For Love

**A Selfish Act For Love**

** That One Sided Smile - Four **

‘I came up with a plan.’

That’s what I told my wife. It has been a week since. I wished I could be assured as much as I sound. I just...don’t want him to make that kind of face. For the first time since we wed, he cried. 

It was my fault.

My selfishness caused us all this mess.

But I regretted nothing about it. I knew it may be a difficult path ahead.

Quit questioning me why I chose him as my partner because I will never answer when I had no answer to begin with!

He is a man, yes, I am well aware of his gender before we even exchanged rings.

He is a man, yes, do I have no right to loving a person in spite of him being a man?

I am a man in love. That’s all I have to say. 

Therefore, I decided to be a liar, an unfilial son, a despicable Uchiha. All because of the Family name! 

Meeting Sakura made me view the world differently where the mind knows no bounds of possibilities; the search FOR possibilities. I’ve grown. In more ways than another in the past year. 

I’ve become more responsible than my old self, braver and louder. I’m maturing to be a different me; the Board of Directors of the Uchiha Corporate and the Elders of the Uchiha Family have grown to acknowledge my beliefs, my strengths as their new leader. 

I’m yet to be like my father, Uchiha Fugaku, the late Head. Well recognised and respected all the way to other borders. One day, I will be like him. 

Right now. 

We are at the doctor’s office. Sakura and I came first thing in the morning, Mother was exceptionally excited on her own. A little of my heart sank towards her excitement, I wished not to hurt her...

Forgive me. 

The man Sakura and I were waiting for finally entered the room along with a strong aroma of coffee, closing the door behind him with a quiet click; locking the door. That’s wise and I was right to come to this person for help. 

“Dr. Uzumaki Naruto. I understand you need your coffee, seems like you forgot that I’m not patient?” I said.

The blue eyed blonde stood facing the window with a steaming cup of caffeine fogging his glasses at every sip.

This guy is one of a kind; he’s infamous for being a little offbeat as a doctor but turned out right most of the time and when he was, it’s big. Earning him all sorts of weird titles that my mind would waste no time listing. To sum it up, he’s just famous or infamous depending how people see him. 

On top of that, he’s a childhood friend from an average family, we went to the same school, were in the same class all the way until to university where we parted for different majors. Still, we were roommates. 

He’s been part of my life for almost forever and I couldn’t see why we couldn’t part. I mean, he did set out on a distant medicinal practice and came back after years, bringing home a wife instead of staying in that other land!

And here he was.

Cooped up in this shabby old office of THE Uchiha Hospital.

That’s right, my family built it back in the times of war, long before I was born. It’s becoming a heritage now and no plans were made to renovate the place to maintain its originality.

“But you  **were** patient.”

I eyed him.

“I mean...duh… you were a LITTLE more patient than you used to. A married man does change.”

Sakura silently laughed. 

“Ahem. Right. Let’s be serious now,” Naruto sat on his high back chair and placed his mug at a corner of his desk,

“You know this is illegal, Sasuke?”

The atmosphere grew stiff the moment he rekindled the topic we left a week ago. Today I want an answer and this blonde took all the time I allowed him to make up his mind. 

“If I were to issue a false report. I will be legally charged—”

“Not when I’m behind your back. No one will ever know,” I bent forward.

Our eyes locked. I had no means of giving in, not without trying and I was confident that this guy was the right person for the task. No one better than Naruto.

“You could say that easily. I’m a doctor damn it. And I’ve never done such a thing in my entire career,” he chuckled at this madness.

Yes, I am mad. 

For my dearest Sakura, I could be madder!

“This shall be the first and the last. It’s just a fertility report. I’m begging you...brother.”

The blonde sighed heavily. Fingers dug right into his scalp and scratched his head hard.

“What the heck… Don’t call me that whenever you need something…!” he groaned. 

“I’m desperate. And you are the only one that came to my mind.” I said. “All I need is a medical report for both of us. Most importantly, Sakura’s.”

He turned to my wife. Looked at him with some sadness in his eyes. There was a long pause and the silence grew heavy from the suspense and sighed for the last time,

“First, I need some blood samples. If you need to do this, it gotta look real,” Naruto finally agreed.

“Thanks, brother.”

Uzumaki Naruto. He’s the only friend I would call brother. Not literally blood related but our bonds were far more than just childhood friends. We went over that kind of relationship, we swore to protect each other. Just like family.

The blonde quickly scribbled a few words on a piece of paper and summoned a nurse. 

“Please take Mrs.Uchiha to the next room to get some of her blood samples and details. Leave the vial at the counter, I will personally do the blood test,” he ordered,

“I will take Mr.Uchiha’s sample myself.”

Clever.

It’s about time we have a man-to-man talk. 

As soon as the nurse left with my wife, the room was just me and—

“IDIOT!”

Naruto kicked me. He really did. 

“What the hell, Naruto! You call yourself a doctor!? It really hurts!” I yelled. 

“Shh. Keep your voice down. You don’t want anyone to hear us!” the blonde whispered.

To hell with this doctor! He was the loud one first and the one who attacked! Now that I’m crying out loud he tells me to keep a low profile!? I’m gonna sue him! 

“To hell with you, Naruto!”

He hit me by the shin and I felt paralysed. 

“If I go to hell, you’ll be coming with me. We’re on the same boat in case you forgot.”

“Still you don’t have to assault me.”

“Hmph. I have been wanting to do that for a loooong time, pal. Now I’ve got the reason to,” he snorted after being satisfied. 

Ch. If I wasn’t the one requesting for his help, I would have turned him to the police.

Well, that IS part of that good old friend of mine. We tend to exchange fists when we are still fresh and innocent. Those days were just the purest memories of our friendship. We even climbed trees to lampposts, got chased by dogs, fished in someone’s garden pond and did all kinds of ruckus. Our fathers would pull our ears dragging us home. We were naughtier than we could have imagined. 

I guess my ancestors regretted having a great grandchild like me and I don’t think I would change, not now, not ever. Because I’m about to do something that would cost my Family a lifetime of shame if word gets out.

All I need is a fertility report for Sakura to cease mother’s hopes and dreams of having him bearing an heir. And I hope her heart gives up on us; especially me. 

It would break her apart but I wish not to part with my lover. 

This IS the plan.

Indeed this is the most selfish thing to do. But all I wanted was to choose when I’ve been spending my time growing up with plans meticulously laid out for me. I’ve done all I could to please the traditions of the Family. Being born into a renown family doesn’t give all its privileges to those who live in it only but the name they carry. 

I’m not cursing my own blood. I just...want to have something I want. 

“YAH! Hey, are you really a doctor?” I yelped when that blondie care-lessly handled the syringe. The guy just...shoved it right into my arm.

“Hey, hey, hey! The needle’s gonna break like that!” I panicked.

“Would you shut it? I’m trying to concentrate on taking your blood sample. It has been a while since I used this  **thingy** ,” said DOCTOR Uzumaki!

What the heck!?

He’s lying. Definitely lying! Is he?

“Then what have you been doing everyday when you can’t handle something so small!?” I growled behind clenched teeth.

The stress was getting to me, I didn’t dare move an inch for I do fear that needle might  **really** snap!

“Uh...reading reports, attending meetings, flirting with the coffee machine, hanging out by the coffee machine since she gets bored quite often...uh...oh yeah, taking naps. Hehe,” that blonde head whispered at the end.

She? The ‘she’ has higher priority than his full time job?

“Seriously? You know you’re telling one of the directors of this place…Guess you might want a pay cut?”

“And do you want anyone to know you’re bribing me?”

Tch!

Clever blonde.

“No, really Sasuke… Is it necessary to do this?”

I was silent for a while. Then nodded. Naruto sighed. 

“Alright, done.” 

He was already finished with removing the syringe and all before I could feel a thing or even noticed. This guy just loved fooling around with me back there. He’s nothing but an expert with a lot of brains and a care-free attitude. 

Leaning back against his chair, the coffee addict continued to sip his brew with a hidden smile. He’s nuts. 

“I gotta admit if you hadn’t been honest with me, I’ll be fooled by Sakura’s appearances. He’s flawless,” he chuckled. “I mean...I  **have** been fooled for a year now.”

I smiled.

His praise made my heart flutter; I came to love the most beautiful person in the world. 

“I’d say. Your mother will be devastated doing this; knowing that her ‘daughter-in-law’ is  **sterile** . How sad that would be. All she wanted was for the good for you, Sasuke.”

“I know,” I couldn’t get angry despite being told over and over, not with this guy. “I chose him. I rather lie.”

“Hey, the world’s full of possibilities and alternatives.”

“Argh, quit telling me about options. Marrying a second wife?” I rolled my eyes. “Not my style.”

“Uh...I was going to say adoption.”

Hm...That didn’t cross my mind.

Still I don’t think mother would be happy about it when the heir was not of Uchiha blood. There were hardly any Uchihas being orphaned; I don’t think there were either. We consisted of a small family tree and every generation was well planned out. I don’t think there would be any...outcasts?

“I smell some gears cranking up ideas now,” the Uzumaki teased. “And it stinks…”

It  **IS** not impossible though…

I snapped a finger. I couldn’t be more thankful to this genius. 

“Wonderful!”

I stood up, my mood was brightly lit. With some excitement, I decided to leave the office at once,

“Still. I do need that report, Naruto. I’ll be expecting it pronto!”

I heard the blonde mumbled curses under his breath before I exited his office. 

.

The hospital corridors were bright and warm from the late morning sunshine; the building may be old but it was rather neat and clean. Nurses and doctors raced along these floors without a second to lose, I had to make way for them instead. It’s alright, I have all the time I need and I feel light. And I couldn’t wait to see my beloved pink haired. 

I want to tell him about my idea and tell him that things will be okay.

His blood sample should be taken by now and should be around this area. Aha. There he is!

“Sakura,” I jogged over to him with delight. 

He looked rather pale and down. I guess a small amount of blood costs a lot for him. Moreover, we had to skip breakfast for the sake of all this. He forced himself to put up a smile for me; it wasn’t near the one that I loved though. As I held his hand, they were cold and shaky. 

“Are you alright, Sakura?” worriedly, I asked. 

He nodded his head weakly while staring at the floor. 

My poor Sakura actually has such a weak body, I didn’t realise. I began to wonder if our sweet nights took a toll on his body. After planting a kiss on his forehead, I escorted him to our waiting vehicle. 

It’s almost noon soon, I wanted to take my dear wife somewhere we could relax for a while. I understand that he was rather disturbed for the past week. He was quiet since we got on to our ride, spacing off into the distance through the window. 

“Sakura,” I called to him in a whisper. 

Startled, he turned to me. Seems like he was really drowned in his thoughts, I was relieved a little seeing his face brought back some colour.

“Are you alright?” I really am worried.

Reaching out for his forehead to check his temperature, I don’t seem to assure myself that he might be hiding the fact that he does not feel well. I sensed that he was exceptionally silent lately...about something else. 

Is he hiding something from me?

I couldn’t tell and I refrained myself from digging; not when he decided not to tell me...yet?

He nodded his head vehemently at the sight of my doubts. 

‘I’m fine,’ spoken in hand language. 

‘Are you sure? We could go back to get you checked,’ I replied the same.

‘I’m fine. Really.’

Our silent conversation had his jade bangles clinging endlessly throughout. Finally I gave up in the battle of signs. He too became exhausted and rested his head on my shoulder, wrote words on my palm with his finger. 

‘ **Do you love me** ?’

Out of the blue.

On this sunny day out. 

In our car. 

He asked. 

“Of course…,” what a silly man he is. 

I don’t know what’s going on in his pretty little head. But let me savour this moment, if only the world has only both of us. No chauffeur. No Mother. No Uchiha Family. Just us two. 

Then he wrote again, 

‘ **I’m falling for you, Sasuke…** ’

Hn…

I couldn’t withhold a smile from the joy in my heart. 

Wait.

Falling?

“Just falling?” I asked.

Sakura smiled. That one sided smile. 

Yes. 

The most beautiful smile.

.

.

Returning home, Sakura turned ‘silent’ once again. He didn’t even bother to entertain me last night, not even a simple good night’s kiss and slept. I wished to think that he was too tired. Something...was just not right about him. I was utterly given the cold shoulder without knowing my deeds! 

This morning the bed by me was already empty and the sheets did not have that lingering warmth; he must have gotten up early. Albert informed me that he had left the mansion rather early without mentioning where he went off to. 

My darling pink haired wouldn’t act like this without a good reason, I mean, he hasn’t been like this since us being together. For that second, I began to doubt myself if I really  **do** know him well enough. 

Definitely one thing is for sure. He felt totally off. Not the usual human I know.

Something must have happened without my knowledge at the hospital, I guessed. But what could that be?

Never mind that, I’ll definitely interrogate him when he gets back. What shall I do to make him speak? 

First, I have to get down to important business with these young lads. These sleuth trios were the so-called ace up in my sleeve; they were not famous enough to make one tremble in excitement or fear by the name but have a thing or two for information scouting. 

Meet Kiba. 

Yes, the drunkard friend: Inuzuka Kiba. If it wasn’t for this guy, I don’t think I could ever meet my destined pink haired sweetheart. He’s the ‘Nose’ of the group. He’s an expert in sniffing out information even in the most dangerous depths of possibilities. He’ll dive wherever and whenever there’s a piece of lead. 

Leader of the team, Hyuuga Neji. 

A Hyuuga, come on.Who doesn’t know the Hyuugas in this era. One of the major Families. They are the smarty-pants of the land. Most of their kind would either be professors, ministers and various professionals, etcetera except for this dropped-out fella who didn’t follow the footsteps of his roots and the brainbox behind the sleuthing trio. He’s a guy who only opens his mouth for important words and was as expressionless every time I saw him. He’s a low profile guy but somehow the group occasionally ended up teaming with the police force in crime solving. The newspapers would usually go with ‘anonymous intels’ whenever they were on the job. 

Last among the trio, Rock Lee. 

All I could say about this guy was that he’s totally energetic. Super energetic with a crazy haircut that’s so not into today’s fashion and the name...no comment. Kiba did mention that he’s not to be underestimated and never take him out for drinks, never! No matter, he’s an acquaintance to me if it wasn’t for the other two members. But I’d say he’ll make a good errand boy.

“Nyam...Munch...Slurrrrrrp! Ah!” 

“Ahem, Kiba.”

Neji eyed his opposite partner enjoying tiers of sweets and tea served. Kiba never seemed to care about his manners whenever he came over for tea claiming that he’s too overwhelmed by the exceptionally delicious pastries and sweets Albert makes. 

“In short, you want us to find any wandering Uchihas?”

“Right,” I confirmed. 

“Lee. You know what to do,” said Neji looking at the weirdo. “Kiba. Wipe your mouth.” 

“Roger! I’ll be off now.” Lee skedaddled with his coat hung over his shoulder. Did I forgot to mention that he has exceptionally thick eyebrows? 

“Right time for work!” Kiba’s pair of baby fangs stood out from a row of neat teeth,

“I look forward to Albert’s fruit tarts.”

He whispered in my ear before leaving. Subsequently, Neji rose from his seat as well. Everyone began to leave after they were commissioned not when the Hyuuga’s footsteps stopped, 

“Mr.Uchiha,”

He usually kept things formal between the both of us unlike Kiba. 

“Inuzuka told me to not mention this to you but I think you should know.”

The tone of his quiet tone picked my curiosity to look at him. 

“We have been assisting the police with the shipwreck case recently; the one your father was involved in.”

“What about it?” I couldn’t help to blurt. 

“There were drugs on the ship. The police had planned out an ambush to seize the goods and arrest the smugglers,” he began. “An unexpected storm blew during that evening operation before the ship could dock.”

“It sank. I heard that many ti—”

“ **Before** it sank, the ship was on fire.”

I frowned: What? 

“They set the drugs ablaze. Those traffickers must have realised the police when the operation went disarray due to the storm. Fear of evidence. With luck, the police managed to retrieve some that were floating at sea, escaping fire. That’s how they became certain that the mastermind is from this land.”

He continued,

“And recently we managed to uncover the lost details of passengers who board that particular vessel. All of them lost their lives…that was  **what** was reported to the public. But. Today we suspect five survived. Three men, two women.” He hesitated, 

“One of them is Uchiha Fugaku.”

“What are you trying to imply?” I hissed.

At times I hated this guy for his rotten detective tongue; trying to detect whatever clue he could even if he had to sting someone with words.

“How confident are you with that claim?” I snarled.

“His body wasn’t retrieved, isn’t it?”

I couldn’t argue that. Not all the victims’ bodies were found and it has been months we’ve waited for any sign before it was publicly announced that all passengers were deemed dead. It was a terrible storm after all. I remember Mother cried for days and a grand funeral was held. 

“If my father had survived, why didn’t he return?” I snapped. “It has been five years. You people don’t plan to stop don’t you?” 

“Not this case. The police believed that the mastermind would strike again. The sum of their crimes were too great to turn a blind eye.” 

Taking a step forward, he closed in to whisper,

“Our Families are on the suspect list. Not surprising though since our ancestors rose to power back in the times of war with the same kind of  **goods** .”

I eyed dangerously at that expressionless genius. So what if that IS history? He needed not to remind me of facts that I knew like the back of my hand. Perhaps this guy curses his own roots to make him remember too well. He thought he could cleanse himself by siding the cops.

“Let bygones be bygones. I assure you my hands are undirtied,” I wore a smug.

He smirked then took his leave.

Just in time, another pair of footsteps entered from the same direction; a pair of shoes I recognise. As I turned around, to my expectations my dear pink haired lover had returned home and not to my surprise he was looking rather disturbed.

“Sakura.”

He stood before me without a word, staring at the floor since he came in.

Gently, I held his hands. They were cold. I couldn’t contain my worry no longer and decided to pry,

“Tell me what’s wrong. We promised to share the better and the worst, remember.”

I fiddled the gold ring on his finger. Reminding him. Finally, his jaded eyes lifted to gaze at me. They were dull in the sense of unhappiness. 

“Sasuke,” he used his voice knowing there was no one around, 

With a saddened voice.

“Please marry another…”


	5. Reminder of Identity

**Reminder of Identity**

** That One Sided Smile - Five **

Devastated...

I could never be more devastated. 

My dear sweet pinkette…is telling me to marry another?

Another woman?

“What are you.. saying?” I murmured. 

I don’t believe what I’ve just heard. I’m hallucinating? This cannot be real? I tried to convince myself but,

“Please take another wife, Sasuke.”

I let out a hysterical laugh. So it was...from those very lips, from that very voice. And,

Out of all things to say…

Out of all people to say it…

You.

I…

I…!

“You...Do you know what you’re saying, my love?”

I spoke in whispers to control my voice from trembling just as much as my body that began to shake. My emotions were disorganised; I felt,

So angry.

So sad.

So confused…!

This is all my fault...

I should have pried harder when I'd already sensed something was wrong about him. It was no excuse to say that I believed in him and I should not overstep my boundaries for the fact we ARE man and wife.

I should have pestered. 

I should have forced him to reveal his hidden thoughts.

Because I didn’t.

And I didn’t expect that I couldn’t take the slightest nonsense that came from that mouth of his. Nonsense that drove me insane!

I forced myself to calm down.

Something has definitely happened, I’m sure of it. We can solve anything together, I don’t understand why he wouldn’t speak to me. 

“Hey, listen. I’m not going to. I only have you. I won’t wear another ring even when I have a pair of hands. And I want to grow old only with you. We won’t have children, that does not matter. But if you wish, we could always adopt. As many as you like. Do you understand?”

I tried to search for a reaction but the sullen expression upon his face didn’t fade. 

“P-Please...Please marry another, Sasuke,” his voice trembled; so full of sadness and agony. 

I couldn’t believe my ears. 

He begged.

Begged, heard that!?

Don’t.

Please don’t beg me with that voice. It was never meant to be used for such words.

And I won’t believe it was out of his decision; someone must be behind all this. Whoever that bastard was, must have done something to my lover. Without a second thought, 

“We’re leaving.”

I grabbed his wrist and began dragging him. He tried to let loose to no avail, I didn’t let go of him until our bedroom door was closed and tightly shut behind us. 

I had enough of this.

Why can’t anyone or anything stay out of my private life!?

Our lives.

I just want us to live peacefully. 

“Where to?” 

He finally spoke, a hint of panic in his voice. It was certain that he disagreed. 

“Far away!”

I took out our luggages and began packing.

“Far, far away from this house. From this Family. We’ll start anew. No one will bother us. No one will ever know us! We will live there. Peacefully.” 

I stared into those timid green eyes. 

“Y-You’re scaring me, Sasuke…,” he murmured.

...Am I? 

“We are leaving, Akira. Come, take a few things and we’ll leave tonight. We’ll live in the Villa, no one would find us there, not even Mother.” I gently stroked his pink head. 

I want to protect him.

Whatever the cost. 

“Y-You can’t,” he said, looking away.

Again, it felt like he was trying to prevent the idea of leaving. 

“Why?” I asked.

“Don’t. I’m not worth all you have. I’m just a courtesan...I’m not fit to fill in the shoes of your bride,” he began trembling, holding back his tears,

“No matter how I tried convincing myself...I cannot be a perfect bride. I was never meant to be a bride. I never thought of it either. I’d spend my days as a courtesan until I became no longer useful. I’d never thought I’d met yo—mmf!”

Hush. My love. Hush.

Don’t say it.

Don’t say words I do not wish to hear.

You.

Made me a man this madly in love.

How could you say that you weren’t the perfect bride for me? 

Pulling away from our kiss, I held him tightly,

“Don’t hurt me, Akira...I just want us to be together. I always remember our promises. I want to keep them...so please…don’t make me break them.”

My pink haired love held my face, rubbed my cheeks with his thumbs and closed his eyes for a while. As soon as he opened them,

“Then you  **must** promise me...to marry another. If you agree we can be—”

I had enough.

Did he not hear me clearly?

Haruno Sa—HARUNO AKIRA!

I pushed him away.

There was this twist in my stomach that just grew worse, I wanted to puke!

Bullsh*t!

That moment, for the first time, I was rough with him. As if I have lost control of my senses to stay calm. Who could ever stay calm at a time like this!?

“Fine. You want me to have another wife? Well then, I’ll take as many as you want me to and make them all have babies JUST to succeed me!”

I raised my voice not caring if I was overheard; some part of me was hoping Mother would hear me, I would save a lot of time explaining then. 

I’m frustrated.

So does he.

“Since when did you care so much about maintaining the Uchiha bloodline? I told you, I don’t. I already perish the thought the moment I decided to marry  **you** !”

A  **man** .

Does he even get it? I don’t mind at all,

“What is there to consider when I don’t even consider it from the beginning?” I continued to yell,

“Are you feeling guilty?”

I wished not to speak to him this way, because...

“What are you hiding from me, huh?”

I’m afraid to lose him,

“What is it? WHAT IS IT, AKIRA!?”

He didn’t utter a word as he sat on the floor and trembled. We were both undergoing agony. Disappointingly, I don’t handle it well.

I hurt my lover more than he hurt me.

I just can’t stand this moment right now. I wish...I would have been a better husband. Or maybe...he wasn’t married to someone like me...

“P-Please promise me…”

Without wavering, he begged.

“Please promise me…”

With tears, we went to his knees; knelt before me with teary eyes and begged,

“Please...Sasuke. We’ll be together, I promise you. Everything will be the way it was…”

I don’t get him.

Tell me, Akira.

Please. Tell me. 

What was it that you’re hiding or protecting that you could beg for?

I want to help you...Let me. 

With his head hung sadly, the carpet was soaked with every drop of his tears. I couldn’t stand the sight of this.

Alas, I left the room. Leaving him without an answer. I heard him weep silently behind the door I left ajar.

I’m sorry, Akira. 

.

.

**Into Sakura’s Thoughts…**

I’m sorry, Sasuke.

If I could have your forgiveness without me asking for it.

If only I could tell you what happened. 

If only I could tell you how happy I was when you acted so desperately, so rashly, so selfishly… 

All for me. 

If I could run away with you; to a far, far away place just like you said.

Sniff…

Looking at the ring that bound my sworn promise, my feelings; knowing they were real, this is real… I understood that there was a man I needed to protect.

You.

I could not allow your Family to go down in shame  **because of me** . 

I could not bear to see all your efforts in striving to be a leader acknowledged by many to be in vain  **because of me** .

I could never want your future to be tarnished  **because of me.**

Because I am a man.

I know you know I am a man.

I know you love me as a man.

I know you chose to marry all of me.

I know. I know.

I know...

But you don’t know that I knew too well that I know I had to keep you safe. So that you could continue to love me. 

I’m too pampered with it.

I just want everything to be the same; unchanging. 

Sniff…

How I wished to tell you that I met my parents at the hospital. Those scums that abandoned me and my sister many years before…

.

- _ Flashback to the money at the Uchiha Hospital- _

_ It was after I left the room when my blood sample was taken by the nurse, as I exited into the corridor, a woman stood before me. Preventing me from leaving further. _

_ She happened to appear in a flash, I was startled. Immediately, she cupped my mouth and I felt a pointy object at my abdomen; a dagger. I grew afraid in fear that she might harm me. _

_ She forced me to return into the room from where I left and soon a man entered after us. He quickly locked the door. That moment, I could hardly think; danger was all I knew. _

_ “You don’t have to be so tense with us around, Akira.” _

_ Akira? _

_ How does she know who I am!? _

_ Impossible. _

_ No one would know...I couldn’t think of anyone except for Sasuke who knew that name. My heart began pounding nervously. These two...do look familiar in a way. _

_ The woman has short blonde hair and...green eyes… Next to her was a man with pink ha— _

_ “It has been a long time, Akira. Too long…” _

_ That man’s voice was not to be mistaken. Even if I could hardly remember their appearances at first glance, I would never forget that voice.  _

_ He is Haruno Kizashi. _

_ She is Haruno Mebuki. _

_ My father. _

_ My mother. _

_ The ones who sold me and my little sister to the Red Light District! _

_ What parents would bring misfortune to their children in exchange for money!?  _

_ If these people weren’t so greedy, the Haruno family wouldn’t be in shambles; all because of greed, they sold the family shop and invested all their savings into a scam! They were cheated of their money and were left with nothing but debt and us, children! _

_ My sister...little Sakura… _

_ This man, for the sake of money, he offered his daughter to wealthy men. Night after night she was nicely cleaned and dressed to be sent to those filthy pedophiles!  _

_ I couldn’t do a thing to help her…! _

_ Back then I was just a boy…too helpless...too useless… _

_ All I could do was hug her little ravaged body and listen to her complain about the discomfort and pain where she was forcefully penetrated. There were bruises too...many bruises. Nothing could be more cruel than this; my poor sister...it hurts just to look at her and all I could do was do nothing but sit and wait for her return the next morning. _

_ I remember well that once she was sent home in a rice sack. Those rich jerks were too shameful to be caught on what they’ve done during the night! _

_ Sakura was strong for she shed no tear. _

_ Unlike me, I was a Sakura far too different from her. _

_ “You don’t have to keep up that appearance. No matter how hard you try, we could always tell you are Akira,” said Mebuki, _

_ “Because you are our  _ **_son_ ** _.” _

_ I froze. _

_ The word sent chills down my spine. A word so true that it pierces me. What a reminder of an identity I worked hard to hide yet...it couldn’t be hidden from the eyes of these people; my parents. _

_ I am their son. _

_ No matter that we were twins. _

_ “I told you, Mebuki. You won’t expect a welcoming hug from him. This boy has been a rascal since he was young and always will,” said Haruno Kizashi.  _

_ Haruno. _

_ I couldn’t accept that I bore the name of this man. A vile man.  _

_ “And naughty boys shall be put to chains. I should have sold him to men who like little boys back then! Too bad there were hardly.” _

_ “Ah!” I flinched the moment he pointed a gun in my face.  _

_ I’m scared. _

_ I’m scared! _

_ Sasuke… _

_ I did all I could to hold in my fear but I just failed to be composed. I’m too afraid to resist trembling.  _

_ “Akira has always been a good boy, Kizashi. You are just not in terms with him,” the woman walked up to me and held my shoulders. _

_ I felt utterly disgusted but I was too frozen to move.  _

_ “He  _ **_will_ ** _ listen to what we have to say.” _

_ “Hmph. Go ahead and convince him then. All I want is money. That’s all.” _

_ “Akira,” Mebuki began, clinging onto my arm. “I see that you were married into the renowned Uchiha family. That makes me sooo happy...and relieved you know.” _

_ I frowned, _

_ “What do you want?” I spoke outright.  _

_ “Oh, it’s nothing much. We would love to be part of the family, I mean, we ARE in-laws, aren’t we? Why not introduce us to the Uchihas some time?” _

_ “If you are after their riches, forget it,” I braved. “Whatever you people have in mind, you won’t get it!” _

_ Kizashi rolled his eyes with an annoyed groan and pointed his gun back at me,  _

_ “See, I told you stupid woman. This boy never changed; useless and pathetic unless we threaten him,” he said, _

_ “Listen up, kiddo. We are not negotiating and I assure you that we will expose the entire land about your true nature. HEADLINES: THE UCHIHA WIFE IS A MAN!” he roared with a chuckle, _

_ “Imagine how much talk that will cause and so much fun to see the Uchihas go down the drain! All it needs is just a whisper.” _

_ No… _

_ I cannot believe this...after all these years apart and the first thing they ever said to me was about money. What parent would threaten their child for the sake of money!? They never, ever change. _

_ “Don’t! I have money. T-Take whatever there is and leave… Leave the Uchihas alone!” I tried to control my voice, trying not to sound provoked.  _

_ However, they don’t seem to be the least interested in my proposal. They had things planned before they approached me and it wouldn’t be good. I sense that they were after something more. Never did I think this would happen. I never thought they would reappear.  _

_ If word gets out about the real me; the Uchihas, Mama, Sasuke… I’ve brought trouble to them. Grave trouble.  _

_ “Hmm…I changed my mind. Since you don’t like us stepping into the picture as in-laws,” Mebuki then whispered into my ear. “More importantly, I think I can solve YOUR problem instead.” _

_ I stunned. My problem?  _

_ Would that be... _

_ “I bet your mother-in-law would be so upset when she finds out that her ‘daughter-in-law’  _ **_couldn’t_ ** _ be pregnant,” she chuckled a bit. “Well you can’t, not with that body, son.” _

_ I bit my lower lip. The inferiority was getting into me; eating my courage after being exposed one after another and being threatened by them.  _

_ This was the worst. _

_ “Make your husband marry our daughter and we’ll keep our mouths shut about all the things you want us to stay silent,” Kizashi cut in. “In return we’ll have money. And probably estates. Gold. Power!” _

_ Daughter?  _

_ Who—? _

_ “Oh, Kizashi. We forgot to tell Akira that he has another little sister. She’s born after you twins were off at the brothel. Our little Laila is so much smarter,” she praised, _

_ “Therefore, you need not worry about doing dirty work, Laila will know what to do. All we need from you is get her into the Family. Simple as that.” _

_ Mebuki rested a hand on my shoulder. I could feel her breath brushing my skin in this close contact, _

_ “This is a good bargain, Akira. Get Laila into the Uchiha family and we’ll stay silent. As a bonus, the girl can provide your husband with as many babies as he wants. Then you can continue to live your comfortable life as Mrs.Uchiha as usual without being pressured. ” _

_ Share...my husband?  _

_ I never thought of sharing Sasuke to anyone; not even my sister.  _

_ Why? _

_ Why have they come? _

_ Why ruin my life!? _

_ “W-Why...Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this to me?” I could no longer hold it in and began to cry. _

_ “Aww, don’t cry, Akira. Because you don’t want to help your family. Your  _ **_real_ ** _ family. You denied yourself and us the minute we reunited. Therefore, you’ll have to compensate,” Mebuki claimed. _

_ Compensate? _

_ I was abandoned by you! _

_ “I owe you nothing. You two threw me away!”  _

_ Harshly, I pushed the disgusting woman away. Kizashi caught her as she stumbled. In a flash, he came up to me and grabbed my collar, growling at me, _

_ “We gave you life. That‘s what you owe us. Don’t get so cocky just because you have it better now. Moreover, it’s you who should be at our mercy.” _

_ He shoved me hard enough for me to hit against the wall.  _

_ “Do as you are told, boy. You have one week till we meet again and we expect your husband to agree!” _

_ Leaving his final message, the couple left.  _

_ -End of Flashback- _

.

A week’s deadline has begun to run out; still I don’t seem to find myself being able to convince Sasuke into taking a second wife.

Was I hesitating…? 

I’m confused too. I just couldn’t summon the courage to stop the Harunos or do I have any ideas how. And I couldn’t bring myself to tell Sasuke either…

I don’t want to burden him when he has many things to shoulder; making me spend sleepless nights trying to figure out a solution to no avail. 

Lonely sleepless nights those were. 

Sasuke...he hadn’t returned to our room since the day he exited. I knew he looked back at me that day with painful eyes but couldn’t bring himself to comfort me.

I am to take the blame; I don’t deny it and it felt better this way. 

Let myself be hated rather than losing more than it’s worthwhile. I have to protect the Uchiha name no matter what; for it became my family, my home. 

I want to help my husband on my own.

Moreover, this bargain…

Doesn’t sound too bad.


	6. That One Sided Smile

**That One Sided Smile**

** That One Sided Smile - Six**

**Sakura’s Inner Feelings**

.

I’m running out of time. 

It’s almost to the deadline and still I’m sitting here, being silent and all by Sasuke’s side at the usual morning table. Both of us were. If it wasn’t for Mother who called us to have breakfast with her today, he and I wouldn’t be sharing the same venue. 

Yes, Sasuke had been avoiding me in every possible way now. 

Even if he saw me from the other end of the corridor, he would walk the other way or return to where he came from until I was completely out of sight. 

I...come to disgust him this much?

It hurts but I didn’t blame him. 

Right now, the atmosphere was tenser than I expected; although this was a chance for me to ‘speak’ to him. Somehow my hands failed me. Not even a ‘Good Morning’ like we used to exchange kisses as well. I decided to sit still and wait for the moment to pass while listening to the birds chirping outside the morning window. 

Soon, Mother arrived. 

“Well, what’s this? I’d hardly expect you to remember this old lady to join you lovebirds for breakfast,” she was in a jovial mood, taking the seat opposite of us.

Huh?

Indeed I found it sudden; Mother wouldn’t request our presence unless it was about particular matters. 

I peeked at the male beside me; he must have instructed Albert to do so. What intentions does he have now?

“Mother,”

The jet black haired male began and handed a large envelope over the table to her. 

“What’s this?” curiously she received without hesitation. 

“Open it.”

Mikoto did as she was told by her son. 

I was curious as well but the moment she uncovered its contents; judging by the looks of the document, I immediately knew what it was. I watched Mikoto’s eyes scanned every sentence of its contents; over and over she read in disbelief. As expected. 

“Sakura’s sterile,” her son mentioned aloud. Precisely.

I was surprised as well by his unwavering boldness. His determination was written all over his face to do this and was prepared to bear the consequences.

Unexpected consequences, 

“Therefore. I plan to take another wife.”

Papers were sent flying into his face. Sasuke didn’t flinch, I was utterly surprised with Mother’s sudden reaction. The Uchiha matriarch became furious. 

“In our Family, we don’t take second wives. Did you forget,  **Uchiha** Sasuke!?”

W-What…?

I...I...am speechless…?

I never...knew.

I never knew that there was such law in the Family books. I...I…

Oh heavens…What have I done…

Sasuke knew this the whole time yet he didn’t tell me; all he did was refuse me by pronouncing his loyalty towards our marriage over and over. Yet, it was I who crushed it all. 

Oh...Oh dear…

“Does Sakura know about it?” Mother asked with a stern voice. 

I tried to confess that I am the true culprit.

“No.”

But Sasuke chose to lie.

I don’t understand. Why Sasuke? Why protect the truth? I should be the one to take Mother’s wrath, not you. 

You are such a stupid man. 

I don’t get you.

**SLAP!**

Startled, I almost gasped. Instantly I covered my mouth from exposing my voice. I never saw that coming. 

“Insolence!” Mikoto growled. “See me in my office this instant!” 

The fearful woman rose to her feet and disappeared out of the dining hall. Sasuke was steps behind. I tried to reach out to him but he paid me no attention and left. Everything has happened far too fast for me to stomach. A morning meal ended up bitterly; he must have braced for this...not I. 

As I stood alone in this large room, I felt the crushing sensation in my chest. Guilt gushed endlessly from my mind, it tortures. I sighed sadly. 

What have I done...

.

That night. 

After the lights were dimmed and the mansion sleeps, I quietly crept along the moonlit corridors. It was scary though to be walking alone in such a large house especially during this dead of night. 

All wanted was to visit a certain someone.

He began spending nights in the Second Library after that  **particular** afternoon. It was days ago and now here I am. Standing before the door, I somehow couldn’t bring myself to knock yet...couldn’t bring myself to head back. 

I’m stranded in my own cowardice. 

‘I just wanted to speak to him,’ my heart thought desperately. 

As I rested a hand onto the doorknob, it felt light; unexpectedly, it wasn’t locked. For Sasuke, his cautious habit wouldn’t leave himself vulnerable even in his own home.

A little bit, my heart smiled.

Was every night this door was left unlocked? 

Was he actually waiting for me? 

Stupid man…

Carefully opening it, I didn’t want to make a sound. And there he was, sleeping on the leather couch all wrapped up in a thick blanket facing the other way. Pillows were scattered everywhere; no matter how many he had, he could never find a comfortable spot to sleep.

Knowing him, Sasuke is a picky sleeper. Nothing could satisfy him unless it was his own bed. I remember he had weeks of trouble sleeping since the day we wed; he wasn’t used to having me beside him.

Does he have trouble sleeping without me now? 

I wondered. 

“Sasuke…,” whisperingly, I called. 

Hoping that he would react, sadly he didn’t even move an inch. I doubt that he was asleep. He wouldn’t be. I know he is listening. 

“Sasuke…”

Another whisper as I approached closer with barefooted footsteps. I purposely left my slipper back in the room to keep my feet silent despite the floor that chills. 

With every careful step, I finally got to him. Lowering myself to level with his sleeping body, I gently reached out a hand to rest on his blanket. 

“If you’re listening, please don’t ignore me. I can’t sleep. I’m not used to not having you beside me...darling.” I plead, my forehead lightly touching his back. 

At last, 

He rolled over to face me. Never was he asleep since the beginning. He really was waiting for me...every night. 

He’s such a stupid man.

Who married an even stupider man. 

His gentle touch was warm and loving as always. I held his hand as he held my face. 

“I’m sorry…,” I reached out for his left cheek where Mother severed him. It must have hurt. My chest hurt as much too, 

“You shouldn’t have said that. I was the one who told you to...You are so silly, Sasuke.”

Despite the dark, the moonlight from the half covered window allowed the room to be lit well enough for me to see his smile. The sincerest. The most gentle and forgiving one as he stroked my head. 

“I’ll do anything for you.”

Finally he said. 

“I’m sorry for not being the husband you deserved. I’m sorry for hurting you...I’m sorry for not sharing your burden.”

Don’t apologise my love. 

I was the one at fault. For being selfish. For being silent. For being too inferior. 

I  **am** your burden. 

“I’ve done a lot of thinking, I’ll listen to your request; I will take another wife. Whatever reason you have, it’s for my sake,” he sat facing me, holding my face with both hands,

“But. You must promise me. Never. Never...leave me. No matter what happens. Never. Please promise me.”

Oh...Sasuke…

I am so lucky.

I am the luckiest person to have you.

Without another moment, I hugged him. Bury my face in his neck and cling onto his warmth. He returned my embrace; strong arms wrapped around my body like he always does. 

This is the feeling that I’ve missed even if it was only days. 

I’m no longer falling…I am in love with him.

“It’s getting late. Come, let’s go to bed,” he said.

I nodded. The next thing I knew, he scooped me up into his arms, carried me like a bride.

“You’ll catch a cold walking barefooted, Akira.”

I smiled and rested my head against this chest while he took us back to our bedroom. Those lonely nights I’ve spent myself were finally over. I’m glad that I forged the courage to find him. I’m glad that he was waiting for me; so patiently that he exerted himself to the point that he fell asleep right away the moment he tucked under the covers we shared. 

Sound asleep, I took all the time I needed to admire his features while listening to the tune of his snores until I fell asleep as well. 

I’ve come to love him a little more...

.

.

**Sasuke’s Inner Feelings**

I was glad. 

And I was really happy. 

I was glad I took the gamble to leave the door unlocked. 

Despite many nights I’ve waited in vain; I had to sleep on that solid cold couch in the Second Library. Probably I should get Albert to customise a better one. Just in case I ended up sleeping there, again. Seriously, my neck and back were getting sore one night after another.

Sakura sure took his time to come see me. 

Well, I guess it wasn’t something I should complain about. As long as he came, I’m happy. In the end, I earned a good night’s rest too.

However, 

I’m certainly not happy about today’s engagement. 

However, 

I’ll get on with it. I’ll listen to whatever my dear sweet Sakura wanted from me. Surely, I’m not agreeing to this second marriage. 

However,

For my dear sweet Sakura. I’ll do it for him. Whatever his reasons.

Despite Mother was furious about the idea but somehow he managed to persuade her; I guess Mother has a soft spot for daughters although she didn’t mention since her only two children were boys. I wonder what would happen if she knew that Sakura was actually a man as well?

Sigh…

I really, really, REALLY don’t wish for this. If it wasn’t for Sakura to be so persistent, I would not be here. Moreover, the person we were waiting for was half an hour late!

Who is this person?

I dislike spending meaningless time on meaningless people. Again, IF it wasn’t for Sakura, I would have left already!

At least I got the chance to sit around sipping tea during this bright afternoon; not the finest tea I’d say but the tea garden had quite the view, overlooking the sea. It’s pretty windy and with some shade from trees and an umbrella, I do agree with this place.

“I’m not as patient as SHE thinks I am…,” I made a cold remark on purpose. 

My pink haired partner looked at me, reaching out a hand to lightly squeeze on mine. I replied by doing the same. 

Sigh...I really love this person. His silent gesture meant more words than he could spell. We just had this connection without the need to use words. His smile...his signature one sided smile he was gifted with was the only thing that captured my heart from the beginning to this day. 

I love that smile. 

And I don’t think anyone could do such magic.

“Sorry for being late.”

Finally. 

I tore my gaze off from my lover towards the direction of a female voice. Confidently I could conclude that this must be the person Sakura had an arrangement with; my next wife. 

Long deep blonde hair with pale blue irises. I had to admit that she is the form of flawless beauty; with that tall, slender figure perfectly fits into her champagne dress that accentuates her captivating physique. She is young I could see; not around my age or Sakura’s, much younger I figured. 

She took a seat opposite of me. Endlessly scanning me. As she was finished, she wore a smirk. No. That wouldn’t be it, that gesture was surely...

A one sided smile. 

I was silenced from surprise; thinking of the coincidences that live in this world. Aside from being blonde and blue…I glanced over to Sakura. I had a feeling...just a feeling that-- 

“It’s nice to meet you, Sasuke-kun.”

I perked. 

This female was rather bold and confident. She made herself clear that she accepted this marriage arrangement without faltering; even when we hadn’t met priorly. And the way she addresses me, 

“I’ll do my best to serve the Uchiha family well,” she bowed courteously. 

“Before that,”

I spoke up.

From the corner of my eye, I could tell worry was all over the expression of my beloved pinkette,

Why? I wondered.

“Let me be clear of one thing with you. You are here to  **serve** me. Sakura is my wife and I love her very much. Do you understand?”

I lowered my eyes superiorly. 

“Hn. You call yourself befitting an Uchiha? You didn’t even introduce yourself. Such manners.”

It was an intentional rebuke. My behaviour had Sakura giving me an eyeful hint that I should be more proper.

Yes, she is beautiful. Of class and premium from top to toe. I just don’t have the good vibes about this blonde female.

Yet she is about to be my wife!

“My name is Laila.”

“Laila?” I uttered questionably when I expected a full name. 

“Yes, Laila. That’s what the orphanage gave me.”

So she’s an orphan?

“When Madam came to me and chose me to be a bride, I was overwhelmed. Because I always longed to have a family name,” she spoke with gladness as her hands touched her chest.

The blonde haired girl smiled. I couldn’t figure out the reason but that one sided smile she made was all too familiar that I began to doubt her identity. 

Who is she actually?

Nevertheless, that one sided smile...I don’t find it alluring. At all.

None of her words seem to impress me either; they were plain and dry to my ears. Perhaps my heart was too stubborn to open up to her? 

Stealing a glance at Sakura from the corner of my eye, I could hardly decipher what he was thinking. He had chosen someone this young in hopes to change my mind that this was a good idea of maintaining the balance of the Family.

Was it  **really** for the Family, Akira? 

Sighhh……………………………………………

Alright then.

.

Right after Laila left, it was only the two of us. Sakura who sat quietly right from the beginning continued to wear that unspirited expression. 

His shoulder slumped making him look as though they were weighing silent burdens. He chose to create such hassle rather than telling me his troubles. I began to doubt my worth in his eyes. Or should I think that he was trying hard to make up for his incapability to the extent he’d sacrifice himself. His happiness. 

No matter how many times I tried to assure him, he was just too insecure of himself. Not because he didn’t believe in me, it’s because he has grown to love me that he’s willing to give himself away. 

I feel it. Your feelings.

You’ve done too much this time…

“Akira.”

Where the winds were blowing, where I knew we were alone and no one could listen to my call as my voice was subdued by the rustling leaves of the tree. 

Only he heard me by facing my way. 

I leaned closer. Held his hand.

“I hope you know what you’re doing. I just...don’t want you to regret,” whisperingly. 

For a while, he paused while his green eyes stared at me. Alas, he nodded.

.

.

A month has passed since I met Laila. 

And a month after it was to the day of my wedding.

My  **second** wedding.

This time it was the total opposite of Sakura’s marriage to me. The occasion today was held with grandeur; calling upon bigwigs and people across borders. With the expensive and the fancy decorating the venue, the event was held to the finest in displaying the true colours of the Uchiha name. It was a request by the Uchiha Elders; the ‘higher’ Uchihas and people who oversee the welfare of the Family.

Frankly, I found this meaningless. And an insult to my Sakura. 

The Elders were never fond of the pinkette stating that he was a courtesan who came from a ‘dirty’ kind of place. Not refined for an Uchiha. Additionally, now they’ve gotten news that Sakura is sterile, they were exasperated about the matter and took it out on me for some time. Saying it was The End of the Uchiha history!

As soon as they heard that I was taking Laila, they finally calmed down and thought it was the best way to atone for the Family name. 

To me, I was more saddened. Felt nothing more ashamed about my own kin. 

Laila was beautiful in many eyes. Guests were captivated by her outstanding beauty, earning me praises of being fortunate. 

I  **am** fortunate without Laila. The real beauty in my heart was none other than the quietest person during today’s function.

Since the wedding reception began, Sakura and I hardly got to spend time together.

We didn’t get to spend the night yesterday, in order to follow Family customs, I had to sleep apart to stay ‘single’ before the next morning.

Everything became busy and there was no opportunity for me to approach him. To ask about him.

Wearing a facade, I had to greet guests with my new bride and Sakura...kept his distance, hopefully being shadowed and forgotten. Before I could take another look, he vanished within the crowd.

My heart was breaking.

He was breaking too.

I never wanted this.

But he wanted this…

“Congratulations, Master Uchiha.”

These endless congratulations came to occupy me wholly; if only I got the chance to slip away. I would definitely run to him and hold him. The feeling of him being out of my reachable sight felt as though he was already leaving me…


	7. Bound By Ecstasy

**Bound By Ecstasy**

** That One Sided Smile - Seven**

.

.

**** Warning : Inappropriate language for the underage chapter alert! Read at your own risk! Well, since you’ve been reading this far...Enjoy.**

Ugh…

I...hick....I.....damn it...I’ve drank too much… 

I should have practiced drinking with Kiba if I had foreseen such a day; what an unfortunate day! 

If Inuzuka saw me being a jerk after a few boozes, he would have laughed his ass off. Hard drinks weren’t my style. 

My friends; Kiba, Naruto...I was thankful they refused my invitation.

They understood that this was just not the kind of occasion I would want them to show up. All they did was give me a half-hearted smile and a pat on the back ‘good luck’ then straightforwardly turned me down. 

Naruto asked me to think twice; I said I will be fine…

Yeah...doesn’t seem like it. 

‘This is a mess. I’m not going to watch you make a fool of yourself. And I won’t congratulate you either,’ Naruto’s words rang in my ears as I recall the last time I visited his clinic.

Snort....Thanks buddy.

This is a mess.

As I laid on bed, I pulled off my tie, unfasten a few buttons of my shirt to cool myself from the growing heat due to the burning alcohol. My face was utterly hot and my head was woozy. It’s so getting to me now. 

Stupid bigwigs. 

All they wanted was to show off how much liquor they can drown in. The worst part was they dragged me into their silly alcoholic binge!

They were about the challenge and doing bottoms up throughout the evening. Most of them went home with faces as red as boiled lobsters and they still called for seconds even being too drunk to exit the door.

Ch. Idiots.

For me, the next thing I recall was a blackout; being knocked out from excessive drinks.

The moment I opened my eyes, the evening event was already over and here I am, in bed.

Reeking of alcohol, I was retained in my ceremonial clothing of suit and tie. Albert or Sakura or anyone didn’t undress me and slip me into fresh pyjamas for I realise the reason being that I’m not in my usual bed.

It’s all about the red.

The whole room was abundantly decorated in that rich colour; every inch of the place was ornamented with red fabrics embroidered with gold threads. Featuring the typical setting of an Uchiha wedding. Even the lights were dimmed to enhance the atmosphere; stirring necessary romance. 

Tonight, is  **another** wedding night. 

At the edge of the bed, silently, the person in waiting was my bride.

She sat poised and still with her veil on, patiently waiting for me as I passed out being too drunk. The groom was supposed to lift her veil, claiming her as his wife. But that doesn’t stop there, in order to complete the whole ceremony, both newlyweds were to share the night.

Make her truly his.

**That** was what I tried to avoid. 

Sitting up. Holding my pounding head; it hurts badly at first then it grew better after taking some time. Still the pain in my head from the booze wouldn’t be over as easily. However, I couldn’t be doing nothing when I do not wish to stay.

There Laila continued to wait without a word. Despite I was still too drunk to walk properly I managed to approach her. As I stood to stare at the sitting female, memories flashed by; recalling so much about the same kind of night that took place a year ago. 

How could I forget. 

How could I replace him. 

**_Akira._ **

Lifting up the veil off my bride, my heart sank.

I was stupid, naive and unaccepting the fact that the person I came to face was not him. But a woman. A real woman. With red painted lips and flawless cheeks. Adorned with fine gold jewelry and pearls. Perfumed herself with the scent of roses. 

I remember it was the scent of peonies that he wore that day. And the one I preferred that better.

At the sight of Laila, images of memories of my pink haired lover faded and I came to look into blue eyes that gazed innocently at me; like a fragile female waiting to be taken.

My heart began pounding. Not out of excitement but disgust.

I’m so disgusted!

Bearing this no more, I tore my eyes away. My stomach began churning at the looks of that female!

I want to go back to my room.

The one I truly belonged to. All this was just not right. I can’t do it. I cannot bring myself to bed this person. It wasn’t because I was too used to sleeping with a man that I couldn’t accept a woman’s body; I just cannot bring myself to sleep with Laila!

I know. I know!

I had to finish what I’ve started and I should do the right thing. Sakura wanted to pave the right path for me, I understand his deeds but I just can't do it.

Not due to guilt.

It’s not...

“Sasuke-kun!” Laila called, she grabbed my arm halting me as I tried to exit the room. “Where are you going?”

Stopping, I gave it a second thought but then I decided: I really cannot do this… 

Forgive me...Sakura....

Forcefully, I yanked my arm to get Laila off of me. I’m still too dizzy to be arguing with her and I’m getting grumpy listening to her high-pitched voice spewing,

“We are supposed to consummate, you can’t leave like that. It’s against the tradition!”

“Tradition?” I snorted.

She irks me.

With my head being heavy and all, it makes it hard to concentrate on doing anything especially trying to get rid of her. Now she spouts all sorts of logic that sounded nonsensical to me, hoping that she could control me with Family law.

B***h!

“Heh. You would spread your legs for tradition? How low is that!” I grew pissed;

That’s the worst thing that came from her pretty little painted lips. She stared at me, not flinching one bit and replied,

“I’m not low. We ARE husband and wife, we are bound to have an intercourse one day or another,” she continued. “Moreover, I am to  **serve** you like you need me to.”

Irritating. 

Such an irritable woman!

I got it now.

I’ve finally found the reason I was so captivated by Sakura aside from his extraordinary beauty, day after day he grew to be more attractive in my heart. Let me tell why,

He wouldn’t say words that made him look disgusting or improper.

Not because he hardly spoke even if he could find the chance to, he preferred smiling, nodding his head and wouldn’t revive topics which he could let it slide away. Let it pass. He wished for peace.

He wouldn’t severe me with my weakness.

I knew I had much to learn and he didn’t rush me. What he would do was to accompany me as I burned the midnight oil on work in my Study and he would doze off on the chair. And I would lift him to bed.

He wouldn’t force me to do the things I do not see fit.

If I wanted to be stubborn at something, he would shake his head and look into my eyes, hoping I would change my mind and let it go. In the end, he would always let me decide despite that he does not agree with me. 

He always wanted the best for me. Like how this is happening...all because of him.

I admit I am biased.

Because. I love him. 

His beauty, 

His silent charm,

His innocence,

His half bravery.

I love you, Akira.

So I’ve decided that tonight, I want to see you instead. 

Making up my mind, I turned to the persistent female, 

“I do not know what's in it for you. If you want to continue being Mrs. Uchiha, don’t bother me.” 

A warning that I planned not to repeat; with that snarl, I ran.

.

I ran away as fast as my feet could bring me; away from Laila’s room. I stumbled and fell to the floor over and over for being so drunk. But I picked myself up every time as I’m determined to return to  **his** side. 

My dearest lover.

I imagined him weeping silently, hiding in our closet as he inflicted himself with the idea that his husband was sleeping with another woman. A twisted pain that he had to sacrifice himself to save the Family bloodline. A tormenting unhappiness. 

But here I am;

I want to see my Sakura surprised and happy that I escaped those expectations by the fact that I chose him. 

That, was my own imagination after all...

As I came to the entrance of the room, eager to see him. None did I expect the door to be locked.

**Sakura locked me out!**

Somehow he read my actions. I don’t get him. Does he not wish for me to return to him? 

Like how I intentionally left the door open for him to find me that night. 

Confused, I couldn’t process his decision to keep me away. Does he really want me with Laila!? 

I...

My head...I’m so hurt...so hurt...so confused!

I feel like he was about to give up on us. I’m scared. I panicked. I’m frustrated. Either way I grew annoyed and that throbbing head of mine was causing a nuisance at a time like this!

I began banging the door. 

Hoping that pinkette would open up when some part of me knew he would ignore me.

He really wishes me to bed that woman?

What does he care about!?

What does he know!?

I don’t want to. I don’t wish to make love with another except for him!

I only want him…

SO OPEN THE DAMN DOOR, AKIRA!

I banged and banged and banged the stubborn barrier that kept me outside. Not bothering to upkeep my behaviour for being loud and rude. I just want to get in. I needed to see him. I want to know if he cried for me. If he was regretting all this. 

The desperation of wanting an assurance that my feelings weren’t one sided after all...

Argh! My head hurts so badly from the strain. 

**BAM BAM BAM!**

“Open Sakura...hick...Open the bloody door...Sakura! Open it now!” I began kicking with every ounce of strength I could find. 

“OPEN THE F***KING DOOR, SAKURA! I’M ORDERING YOU! DO IT NOW!”

Something told me that I was right; he seriously decided to ignore me. 

Oww...oww...oww...my head… 

“Don’t...sniff...Don’t lock me out...please…,” I felt helpless.

Why am I being treated this way?

Why punish me?

Why was he so merciless!?

So if he wants to play rough, I’ll do the same. Never underestimate me, Haruno Akira. 

“ALBERT! ALBERT!” 

I don’t want to make this look ugly. He forced me to do this.

Don’t blame me for hurting you, Akira.

Does he think a lock could obstruct me? Think again.

I am Uchiha Sasuke; a man of high society and power. Nothing could get in my way. And when I’m angry, I’ll ensure that person is reminded of who I could be,

Nasty and unforgiving. 

With the master key Albert brought, the bedroom door was unlocked without doubt and forcefully, I flung it open loudly.

That pink haired male was petrified by the sound and at the sight of me; I make sure he would from now on. I’ll make him regret pushing me away. I’ll make him think that it was stupid to leave me. I’ll make him remember that I am not patient and not be tested.

Being lenient was a privilege I offered him. Others? There was no such bargain.

Yet. 

He forced me to cower at the thought of losing him...

“Lock the door, Albert. No one enters this hallway,” I ordered.

The butler did as he was told. Closing the door with an assuring sound by the turn of the key. 

Now.

It’s just me and him. 

****WARNING SPICY CONTENT!: SKIP THE** **_ITALICS_** **, not for the underage or weak hearted. You are warned to read at your own risk.**

_ On the bed with his satin nightgown, he didn’t move an inch. Too frozen to react from my barging presence.  _

_ Good.  _

_ Quickly, I removed the rest of my buttons and tossed my shirt aside. _

_ Sakura began to shrink away, he knew he had to run or so he thought he could. _

_ But I was faster. _

_ I learned his habits; he would try to lock himself in the bathroom. _

_ Immediately, I blocked his path. He fell onto the floor as he panicked from the unsuccessful escape. _

_ That’s when I pounced on him, trying to pin him to the floor. Unfortunately, his satin dress was too silky for me to grab hold of him properly; allowing him the chance to slip away. _

_ I had no means of letting him off. _

_ Roughly, I grabbed the hem of his dress. Our tug of war ended up ruining it with a rip. He didn’t seem to care despite it being his favourite night wear and ran to the other end of the room after he tried opening the door which Albert did a good job locking it.  _

_ It’s no use.  _

_ I am frustrated; physically, emotionally, sexually.  _

_ I couldn’t forgive the thought that he actually wanted to give me away! _

_ What about our love? _

_ Our dreams? _

_ Our promises…? _

_ “Come here, Akira.” _

_ Step after step, like a predator, I slowly approached that cornered male. _

_ Sakura backed off at the same pace as I inched closer. His appearance with that messy hair, fearful expression and that ripped garment. _

_ Oh, how delicious he turned out to be. I want to eat him. Run my hands all over his frail structure. Reach to where only I could reach. Explore the new I didn’t have.  _

_ Being drunk enables me to new heights of fantasies over him.  _

_ I want him badly.  _

_ For the alcohol and adrenaline blend drove my blood rushing with different levels of excitement. I could feel the heat turn on. Funny, it’s rather relaxing. _

_ But then, my eye caught the sight of a sudden gleam that came from my finger.  _

_ I lifted my hand.  _

_ Remembering that I was recently married. This was the other ring. Heh...Haha… _

_ Hahahahaha. _

_ I came to sound hysterical. _

_ I’m becoming mad at reality that I was making a mess out of my life. Just like Naruto said, this is all messed up.  _

_ It’s HIS fault.  _

_ “Look at this, Akira. YOU made this happen,” I said, showing him my hand.  _

_ Standing far apart, I watched his eyebrow arched guiltily. He remained speechless, staring into my direction. _

_ Were there no words for me? _

_ Not even one such as ‘sorry’. _

_ Anything but silence. _

_ Because I couldn’t read his thoughts; his facial expression was too disorganized for me to decipher.  _

_ Just like how I am feeling right now.  _

_ I’m lost sorting out my emotions; so many going on in a single space colliding one another and becoming unruly.  _

_ We were becoming destroyers of our own happiness. If we weren’t so individually weak,  _

_ “You shouldn’t be here in the first place.” _

_ Sakura said on purpose. _

_ Hoping that I would isolate him; forget him and choose the correct path as an Uchiha patriarch I had to be. _

_ One day, I had to take over Mother; leading the Family and getting my hands necessarily dirty. Before that, I had to appear suitable, capable, and stable to earn the most important thing among people: trust. _

_ Above all else, I live in an era where people were strictly traditional. They could hardly accept the different tastes in a relationship; in the golden rule of matrimony, only man and woman could truly be husband and wife.  _

_ Akira understood this fact more than everyone else. _

_ He realised that we might not have a happy marriage. His gender cannot stay hidden forever. Everything will come to an end one day as long it is against nature’s law.  _

_ But I don’t.  _

_ I don’t believe in that.  _

_ Because of his insecurities, we came to hurt each other. Like how it is now.  _

_ Looking at the ring that bound my finger for the last time, I pulled it off and mindlessly threw it aside without bothering to check where it had ended up. _

_ It was an eyesore and not the one I wished to wear. _

_ Best be gone and lost!  _

_ “Y-You shouldn’t do that…,” Sakura was concerned and paid attention to the direction where I threw the ornament.  _

_ While he was momentarily occupied, I found the right time to act. _

_ He gasped the second I managed to catch him; he fought and fought harder tonight. He effortlessly did all he could to prevent me from touching him. No matter how he tried, I was stronger. _

_ For I’m still drunk in many ways and the disgust from thinking about Laila has driven me insane.  _

_ I thought I could handle it well; thinking it was just having one quick night with her in hopes she bears fruit and I could carry on with life. Ignoring her or perhaps sending her away to the Family island.  _

_ But it seems like I’ve failed. I cannot bring myself to touch her. Simply by looking at her brought me no joy at all.  _

_ There was not a pinch of a certain sweet desire; an addiction that sends my mind craving for more. _

_ Only one, _

_ One person could induce that lustful thirst. _

_ Just like how I feel right now. _

_ I licked his nape making him yelp from the suddenness. My tongue practically glided on the surface of his smooth skin. Along with his voice, I grew more excited. _

_ Licking him again, he tried to let loose from my grasp. Good thing he was slim, I was able to keep him captive easily by his waist. I pulled down his spaghetti straps of his nightgown and tossed his long pink hair aside to reveal more of his back and shoulders.  _

_ Despite the countless times I’ve admired his back, I still couldn’t get enough of it. His scent had a faint lingering fragrant from the bath; not choking, bearable for me to fiddle around as long as I please.  _

_ Ah, peonies. _

_ Sakura particularly loved them. It was soothing with a sense of beauty. _

_ “D-Don’t...Don’t do this Sasuke…,” he breathed heavily being tired from his struggles. _

_ He couldn’t fool me; our room was dim with only the bed lamps on, I noticed he was already on heat. His cheeks grew red so does the tip of his ears. He is very sensitive at the slightest touch.  _

_ But he wouldn’t submit easily. Trying to play it tough. _

_ Hn.  _

_ It’s not over.  _

_ I helped myself; run my fingers along his thigh. His trembles were hints that he is feeling it very much. As I moved up all the way to his hips, I came to a delicate fabric I know all too well. _

_ It was thin and small. _

_ Umm...my finger lightly glided on the surface of the lacey material and as I tried to hook one of its sides, Sakura began to move. He knew my intentions. Aggressively, he struggled to break free, save himself from me.  _

_ Sadly, he’s just not strong enough to push me away when I fastened tightly to prevent him from succeeding.  _

_ “Stop. Stop Sasuke. Don’t do this!” _

_ “Why? Can’t I touch you like I always have? It’s not your first either.” _

_ I clamped his cheeks with one hand, making him face me. His green eyes darted away, avoiding direct contact with me. _

_ What’s this? _

_ Why wouldn’t he look at me? _

_ That’s when he murmured, _

_ “Why don’t you understand, Sasuke,” the most irritating things. “It’s your wedding night. You shouldn’t be here! You should be with Lai--” _

_ Shut up. I don’t want to hear it! _

_ Don’t wish to hear further requests from you! _

_ I came all the way for you. I threw away all my pride just to be with you. I could put a stop to all this sh*t and I’ll go back to square one, making my life a whole mess just to be by your side.  _

_ But.  _

_ Do you understand how I felt  _ **_that_ ** _ very moment… _

_ When you shut the door, _

_ Kept me locked out from reaching to you, _

_ The twist and turns in my chest was all so hard to bear. _

_ I imagined that one day...You  _ **_will_ ** _ leave me.  _

_ I told you to promise me, didn’t I? _

_ That’s when I realised you were a better liar. _

_ Irritated from what he said, I threw him on to our bedroom’s Cabriole sofa, the very one that I’ve customized especially for him; furnished with the finest wood, etched with skilled craftsmanship and with rare peony-themed fabric. _

_ Knowing that he would look mesmerizingly beautiful when he sits on it.  _

_ And he would be as beautiful no matter  _ **_how_ ** _ he uses it.  _

_ I held him there; locked his arms above his head with one hand as I domineered him. There was no running away now. I proceeded in ripping parts of his dress revealing the upper part of his front and stuffed the fabric into his mouth. _

_ He shall be quiet while I work my way with him. At least I wouldn’t listen to him talk unnecessarily.  _

_ Sakura kicked and wriggled the moment my one free hand once more visited the place where that lacey lingerie still hugs his bottom. Fine and delicate. A good yank was all it needed to hear it snap!  _

_ One side down.  _

_ Again, another hard pull.  _

_ One more snap.  _

_ Oh, how I could imagine what it had freed before I could take a good look at it. _

_ I couldn’t understand why he preferred to wear such tight undergarment during bedtime. It’s just so binding. And more work to do during moments like this.  _

_ Successful and satisfied, I tossed the torn garment on to the floor after showing it to him for the last time. Sakura just wouldn’t stop fighting. _

_ No matter, his muffled screams were a different taste of music to my ears. Greedy, I know just the way to get more out of him.  _

_ I got off him. _

_ Making sure that he would still be held captive, I roughly pushed his chest against the back cushion where I tied his hands. There were seconds I hesitated, staring at his thin arms, fearing they might break if I was too abusive. _

_ Right now, I’m a savage.  _

_ Determined not to treat him lightly, I forced him to kneel on the couch; making him spread, exposing every skin, every bodily structure. _

_ It was quite the view. _

_ A very bare sight to admire.  _

**_Dearest Akira._ ** ****

**_Sweet, sweet Akira._ ** __

_ My heart pronounced his name over and over as I watched his grand display. _

_ Holding him into position, I traced two fingers along his bottom, teasing him where I could hear small yelps. I loved how he was being so honest despite him trying to restrain himself. _

_ Curious, I wondered how he would sound if I grabbed this very beautiful section that was loosely unattended to.  _

_ “MMPFF! Mmmpff...Hmmpf...Mmff…!!” _

_ He reacted so much that his endless wriggles made it hard for me to hold him still. Even with his hands tied, he was so violent that the furniture began to rock. _

_ “Hush, Akira. Shh. I’ll be gentle.” _

_ Whispering into his ear, I could feel his face heat up and his breathing grew heavy through his nose. He began to quiet down as I let my hand let go where he was most intimate.  _

_ He’s feeling a lot. _

_ And I’m no less. _

_ As promised, I treated his little one with more care although I wished to torture him but I fear he would break. _

_ I have never taken it this far; rougher than our previous adventures. It’s the first for him as well the first for me. I was never this aggressive.  _

_ Consider this our wedding night he owed me.  _

_ No more cupboard hiding. _

_ I want him to fully taste what a real man could do to him. _

_ A real man could do beyond his fantasies. Considered nothing of his feelings. Capable of loving and hurting him wholly. _

**_Dear, dear, Akira._ **

**_You do not know me._ **

**_You should know not...no...never to test me._ **

_ After a few loving strokes, I could feel his ‘young’ finally grew. _

_ The sensation in my hand was beautiful, I felt so proud of my Akira and I think this should be a sight not to be missed.  _

_ Turning him around, his frontal properties were another kind of sight to fully ingrain into my memory. My eyes traced every corner, every accent that curves or stretches, the fine texture of his fair skin, every hair and I smiled...looking at the most refined spot. _

_ Indeed he was beautiful. _

_ Every part of him is beautiful. _

_ Especially  _ **_there_ ** _.  _

_ I’ve not seen him being so capable before.  _

_ Being ashamed to be this revealing, he turned his head the other way, closing his eyes not wanting to look at me. Presence of tears hung at the corner of his lashes.  _

_ What’s there to be so bashful, my love? _

**_In the end,_ **

**_I always surrender._ **

_ I removed the fabric from his mouth.  _

_ “Akira,” I called.  _

_ “Look at me, Akira,” one more time, “...Look at me…” _

_ His green eyes timidly peeked at me.  _

_ “Hate me, Akira. So that I could rape you. Make you beg me to stop. Burn this shame into your memory and live with that hatred so that you could never leave me to get revenge.” _

_ I reached out a finger to draw on his chest, teasing his abdomen and down, down, down where he flinched for a while, _

_ “Strangle me in my sleep. Poison me with your lust. Stab me with a blade. And I will stop you. And ravage you all over again. Deepen that hatred. Make you never be able to leave me because of that grudge!” _

_ I bumped my head against his.  _

**_You always be the better of me._ **

_ “Because I am very in love with you, Haruno Akira.” _

**_Always..._ **

_ He replied with a speechless look and closed his eyes again; tears strolled down his cheeks. He grew weak; submitting himself to me and to whatever I wish to do to him.  _

_ Fine. _

_ Without warning, I attacked his neck. _

_ Branding him; I knew I'd bitten him hard this time, his neck was immediately bruised. Squinting his eyes, Sakura endured the pain but made no sound to tell how much it was.  _

_ That wasn’t enough.  _

_ I stretched out his left arm and chomped on it, leaving no spot without a piece of my mark. I watched him continue to endure as he held in his voice by biting his lower lip.  _

_ Scream, Akira.  _

_ And I moved lower,  _

_ Taking a share on random parts of his body until he was utterly messy. Still he made no sound. _

_ How unaccommodating. _

_ Let’s see how he’d fare as I go even lower.  _

_ “A-Ahh!”  _

_ He finally yelped.  _

_ Was it pain or pleasure, my dear?  _

_ “D...Don’t...N-Not...ther—Ahh!” _

_ His face was utterly flustered. _

_ He could hardly speak properly and grabbed my hair. The more I drove him into submission of the pleasure he was enduring, the harder his grasp was; hurting my roots.  _

_ Hurt me more. _

_ MORE! _

_ Let me know that you’re feeling it;  _

_ Let me pleasure you.  _

_ “AHH!” _

_ The moment he hit that climax, he was sweating bullets, his face was so red that he covered it to hide his embarrassment from that thrilling sensational ride. _

_ I snorted in delight, being partially satisfied with my work.  _

_ Now, it’s my turn.  _

_ “Akira,” whispering a warning to him, “Scream.” _

_ “Wha--AAAHHH--MMMFF!”  _

_ I knew it would hurt. _

_ Watching his widened eyes as it began to tear, he covered his mouth once again to keep his volume controlled from being overheard during this wee hours. We were still awake past midnight, doing all this torturous bonding.  _

_ Forcing myself inside of him, I could see how hurt he was; squinting his eyes from the pain as I moved more aggressively. _

_ There was no prior preparation, I’ve got no patience to spare to be gentle with him tonight. Not when the alcohol has taken over most of my senses. An overwhelming crave for lust to quench that particular thirst.  _

_ “A..Argh...Mmf...Ah...Ah…Ugh!” _

_ His cries. His moans.  _

_ “Louder, Akira. Louder!”  _

_ Oh, what insanity this is. _

_ The person I cherished most is being abused by my very own actions. I knew I had to stop but my mind has lost its authority to be in charge of my body. I myself have succumbed too deeply into the pleasure of cruelty.  _

_ Pulling away from our intimacy, I took a second to catch my breath. We both did.  _

_ My pink haired prey frowned painfully from the sting of the ruptured wound that began to bleed. This was the consequence he had to bear. For defying me. _

_ The slight presence of that crimson liquid was not enough to hesitate me for another round.  _

_ I picked him up.  _

_ Tossed him onto our bed.  _

_ “Sa...Sasuke...No...No more...please…,” lying weakly, he begged.  _

_ What good would that do? _

_ I’ve become far too insane to listen to pleas and feel the mercy in my heart, replaced by a different kind of hunger that excites me at the sight of pain. _

_ Stripping bare from every garment I was left, I joined him in bed. _

_ Towering him, I watched his meek self; his long pink hair was messily splayed, blue-black bruises surfaced on his porcelain skin. As he trembled, he portrayed himself as a victim of my conquest.  _

_ How lovely.  _

_ Closing in, I gently stroked his head, removing strands of stray hair that interfered with his face. Then whisperingly,  _

_ “Akira,” he fearfully peeked at me with the corner of his eyes. “Do you hate me?” _

_ He swallowed hard before nodding, _

_ “Y-Yes…” _

_ “Good...Hate me...Hate me more.” _

_ “YAAAH!” _

_ That was the last I’ve remembered; his thunderous scream that echoed throughout the hours of the night.  _

**_** End of Italics **_ **

.

.

.

Blink once. 

Blinking twice. 

My vision was starting to stabilize from all the white and blurry. 

It was morning, I realised. 

The curtains were glowing from the sunlight; lighting up the room with some warmth. 

Everything that happened was a dream...or so I thought as soon as the sudden throbbing of my head set my mind straight that it was no dream at all. 

Last night was for real. 

And if that was it, then…

Sitting at the foot of the bed, a naked figure, hunched, it was Sakura. He was already up.

Or did he not sleep all night?

Worried, I quickly got up and carefully crawled across the bed, closer to him with some pounding guilt in my chest.

Memory from last night slowly came pouring into my mind from the surroundings of the bedroom being messy and disorganized. Especially from the sight of torn pieces of fabric that belonged to Sakura’s sleepwear. 

His patchy coloured skin of bruises that worsened after the night. 

I did this. 

“Akira…,” I called out to him.

There was no response. 

Immediately, I was frightened by guilt. I was wide awake to my sins. I was honestly afraid that he might actually come to hate me. 

Stupid. Stupid Stupid!

Uchiha Sasuke you are darn stupid!

Panicking, I got off the bed and crouched over to face him. His eyes had heavy eyebags; I was right, he hadn’t been sleeping when I was utterly knocked out on my own.

As expected, he must have harbored hatred towards me for being mistreated.

I had no excuses to cover up for my actions.

Evidence was all over his body; from that broken lip that was my doing, to his reddened neck, everywhere had a fair share of blue and black.

Not forgetting to mention the part where it hurt the most. 

And it is still hurting I bet. 

“Akira…”

Carefully I reached out to hold his hands. Teeth marks were all over his wrists; so many that they overlap one another, blood even surfaced from some of them. 

I’m sorry…

Even when these wounds weren’t my doing, you rather hurt yourself than to let your voice out.

I..

Before I could say another word, Sakura put up a small smile and rested his head onto mine.

Closed his eyes, I listened to his breath; he was exhausted and in pain where his brow twitched the moment he moved carelessly. 

I knew I'd hurt him. 

“I’ll go get Naruto to check on you--” 

I couldn’t bear to see him enduring in silence.

At least let me get the doctor to ease some of the pain or else the guilt would kill me even more. As I tried to get to my feet, a hand stopped me from proceeding; 

Sakura shook his head. 

“Sasuke. Listen…”

At his request, I bent over. He smiled at me, putting a hand on my face as his thumb lovingly stroked my cheek. 

I waited. 

Impatiently, I waited for him to say his piece.

Nothing was coming out from his lips only but that smile. With such a gentle gesture, I couldn’t hold back the sudden urge to cry.

It was an emotional moment, resulting from my overflowing guilt. 

The more I treasure this person, the more I come to hurt him. 

“Hate me...sniff...Hate me...Akira…,” tears came bursting from the sour squeeze in my chest.

“I’m not...sniff...fit...to love anyone...sniff...not you...sniff.”

My eyes were too blurry to see his face, only to see his hand reach out to pat my head. He comforted me, telling me to hush. We were both tired. In many ways. I’m impressed that someone as fragile as him could withstand the mess. 

He  **is** way stronger than I am. 

“Sasuke. Listen…”

Again. 

He needed my attention. Will he not say a thing again?

“How can I hate you?” he began,

“Even if you were to cut me with a knife,  **I still love you** , Sasuke.”

Ah…

Akira…

Of all times. 

**_That’s the first time…_ **

“I could not bring myself to hate you. Never you.”

“I love you, Sasuke…”

**_He confessed to me._ **

After were were married for hundreds of days, 

This was the first time I’ve heard you spell them out to me. 

Loudly.

Clearly. 

Though, I knew that it wasn’t unconditioned. I understood that you were trying to assure me; these days you tend to do so when you need me to fulfil your request. To me, the most absurd ones.

“But please, don’t ignore Laila.”

**_However,_ **

**_I don’t mind._ **

“I am selfish, Sasuke.”

“I want you to have another kind of life. An option. You knew. I knew. Our love is unacceptable in the society. I’ve decided to hide behind Laila just to be with you. So let me be selfish for one more time.”

**_I don’t mind...really._ **

“I want a baby. Make one, Sasuke.”

“For me.”

**_Hn. You really are selfish, Akira._ **

**_If that is your will,_ **

I closed my eyes,

“Alright.”

.

.

**Sakura’s thoughts...**

Hate me instead, Sasuke. 

As long as you would not be tired of me. 

You could hate me, ravage me, severe me; whatever you do, I would not blame you instead of one day…One day you might choose the normal way of life and leave our love behind the past. 

Because you are a different kind of man. 

You were not like the others.

But you keep begging me not to leave you; what I wished to tell you it was the opposite actually, 

I am more afraid that  **that** one day you might no longer acknowledge our feelings.

For the responsibilities you shoulder were far too important as compared to a petty little me. I won’t blame you if you were to cast me aside. 

It’s natural. 

You were born Uchiha Sasuke; bearing many dreams, powers and people. You cannot throw them all away for the sake of something as stupid as love. Moreover, choosing a person like me out of all. 

It was the silliest.

Though I was thankful for this chance the Heavens gave me. Even if it doesn’t be as we vowed,

**_...until death do us part._ **

Therefore, I’m taking a bet.

A test of endurance. 

Of our bond. 

May it last or may it break. 

I’ll leave it up to fate to tell me what we were made of and how our story should end. I expect no less of scars and tears. If we could just endure...that would be great. 

You keep telling me that I’m beautiful. 

Deep inside, I was thinking if one day I came to grow older and wither; would you still say the same? 

Imagine a man in disguise growing old; the ability to keep up with age while trying to upkeep the beauty you expect me to be.

I doubt my capabilities. I’m not sure how.

So I’m afraid if I do fail, what would you say to me?

By then, would you turn away and say I’m disgusting instead?

It’s me who’s being clingy now. 

I cannot be losing you. 

For I’ve realised…

I’ve fallen too hard on you, Uchiha Sasuke. 

Truly.

Truly. 

Truly I am. 

In the worst period of time. 

Maybe the deepening was because you had Laila now; her presence made my feelings intensify to deeper depths. A reaction to keep what was actually mine from the beginning. You. 

I’m not giving you away. 

Yet. 

I’m not holding you back. 

The dilemma is a devil by my ear. Whispering confusing words to beguile me. 

Do you know how it really felt when I knew you were to bed another woman? 

Despite that Laila was your wife...

Yes, it’s me.

I pressured you to do it. I knew it’s an unwilling action. It is something you  **should** do. Still felt jealous and sad. 

Being alone in our bedroom, the bed felt too large for one person, the room felt too vast that it howls loneliness, the darkness was too dark that it scares me. 

I’m alone that night; as I could imagine you taking your time making a child as I ordered you to. 

How does it feel to be touching a real woman?

Was it a completely different sensation?

Was her skin smoother, fairer, better?

Does her special spot give you a heightened experience of what it feels to be with a woman?

What was it?

Questions filled my mind that night; they were so loud that they kept me awake all night.

Tossing and turning uneasily, I ended up falling asleep on the Cabriole couch you especially made for me. It was the first present you’ve given me aside from the ring around my finger. 

I’m not a furniture person but whatever you gave me, I always liked it. 

Compared to being a courtesan at the brothel, there was not a single present I received throughout my years of service took my fancy.

Those men only thought about themselves choosing those gifts. Sure they were expensive fabrics and high jewellry, not a single item caught my eye. 

They were only trying to show off their financial status for being able to buy luxurious gifts for a courtesan like me. 

But that Cabriole sofa was entirely different. 

It was made to suit me. 

You may not know this, Sasuke.

But I overheard the conversation between you and the designer, you should have seen the look on your face, being all meticulous for a single furniture. 

I remember you were very fussy about the style of the fabric that was rare:

‘It must be peonies. The rest is not befitting of my wife!’ you demanded. 

Over and over you were unsatisfied, that’s how this couch took such a long time to finish. 

See the difference?

That’s how it all began. 

I began to sprout feelings for you; a man who really thinks about me.

The true  **me** . 

Every time I sat on it, I could imagine you by my side. And it turned out to be something I cannot part with the nights you were at Laila’s. 

Now.

How many nights have you been with her? 

Time flew by.

It was months since you’ve been trying to fulfil my request and luck was just not favourable to me. I thought one night was all it takes.

Sadly, I was wrong…

I guess I’m turning selfisher to ‘lend’ my husband for the sake of a child. 

At least it kept Mother happy. Right now, we were spending days as a peaceful family. Sharing dinners and spending more time together. 

Mikoto treated me well as always in spite of the fact that I was ‘useless’.

It somewhat consoles me, taking care of me as if I was a daughter of her own and would always count on my share in anything;

From dresses to ice-cream.

She always looked out for me. 

Maybe some part of her has that kind of guilt as well; thinking that her son was disloyal towards me. When that was totally wrong. 

I pity my husband for shouldering such undeserving accusations. 

Forgive us Mother.

Forgive him. 

Forgive me.

I am the real culprit from the very beginning. Lying has become part of my life. 

.

.

.

“Sakura. Sakura!” 

Mother came running to me with the cheeriest voice first thing I returned home from grocery shopping.

I placed down the basket full of fresh goods, tonight I had planned to take charge of the kitchen. I felt like doing so.

She held my hands with the widest smile,

“Oh! I’m so happy, Sakura. So happy! I’m going to be a grandmother soon!”

Oh…

My heart sank.

I wished to share her joy but...I just couldn’t help it; I don’t feel the excitement as she does and my mind went blank.

Failing to accept the fact that my wish came true.

Yes, I know it WAS me!

I…

I…!

I no longer feel like cooking. 

I don’t feel like seeing anyone.

Please...I just wished to cry this instant. 

* * *

**A few words from Blue!**

Thanks so much for reading & I hoped you guys liked the storyline. 

All Naruto characters are owned not owned by me (except for the OC). 

It's my first time around, hope to share some of my works here (other than FanFiction.com).

See ya soon & have a wonderful day!


	8. Tainted Roots

**Tainted Roots**

** That One Sided Smile -Eight**

.

.

**In the Pinkette’s eyes…**

.

Staring into the distance; there beyond the kitchen window, on the nearby tree branch of the mansion’s garden.

A pair of little birds of blue and yellow, tweeting in the midst of this bright afternoon. 

Then they played with each other, ruffled one another’s feathers and began hopping around the branch before taking flight.

Swirling around the same tree; both of them took turns taking the lead and following each other until they came to a place: their nest. 

I see.

Surprised I was to not notice the little home they’ve built clinging around a higher branch; concealed itself from many eyes with the aid of the leaves and its shadows. 

Hnmm...I smiled to myself at the lovebirds as they continued to rub each other. 

What a fluffy feeling: to love and be loved. 

I could imagine...imagine us. 

If only we were birds. 

We could fly free.

Far and wide. 

Make a nest wherever we wish. 

If only we were free…

Where there were no worries to worry, no boundaries to hold ourselves within.

The tenderness began to turn sour in my chest and tears threatened to fall; I held them back.

These days I’ve been doing too much crying. Despite I am a man, I don’t think I could be manlier anymore. Being female has grown so much into me that I could sometimes be lost in my own identity. 

Sigh…

FWWEEEEE…!

“Oh no!”

I was so dazed that I totally forgot about the pot. 

“Ouch!”

Quickly I turned off the stove. Some of the overboiling broth came spilling from the brim and ended up scalding my hand. I flinched and ended up breaking the lid as I tried to lift it.

Ah...this is a disaster. 

If I hadn’t been daydreaming, I would have handled this properly. Instantly the surface of my hand grew bright red and that it started to ache badly no matter how I tried to cool it off. 

Sigh…

It hurts. 

My heart hurts. 

Not as bad as my hand that is. 

It’s all my own fault.

I caused all this mess, this misery that I’m experiencing; so much that I could no longer feel the pain of my hand but the sting in my chest.

It seems that I still couldn’t accept the fact that Laila is pregnant.

Now, it has been four months. 

Her growing belly was becoming more visible as weeks passed. 

And everytime I came to catch a glimpse of that bump, I tend to quietly look away.

I feel...I don’t know.

I just don’t wish to look at Laila’s stomach. It made me churn uneasily and my heart felt heavy.

Get the feeling?

It’s the feeling that you wished reality wasn't true. The feeling that eats you from inside and you would hide away.

I understand that it IS my husband’s. 

Part of the blood and flesh belonged to him. 

And the other…

If only. 

If only my little sister, Sakura, was still alive. 

Then maybe you would be the one who’d meet Sasuke and you’ll be the one who would be married to him. Both of you would have a normal life and you could give him true happiness and have as many children. 

Unlike me, 

I couldn’t give him even the simplest of things; not as much as the things he has given me. 

I couldn’t give him assurance or a peace of mind when we both grew worried each day fearing about my identity. 

I can never give him another life.

My incompetence was the root of all problems.

.

_ Sakura, I really wished that you were still living. _

.

Although Laila IS my sister as well. 

I couldn’t seem to find a proper connection with her. It wasn’t the reason we hadn’t met until recently and not because we didn’t share a bond.

She’s...different. 

In many ways. 

With our distinguished appearances, Laila looked nothing like me or Sakura.

She took after Mebuki’s deep blonde hair and Kizashi’s blue eyes and facial features. She’s physically separated from comparison. 

I get it now.

No wonder, the Haruno couple were confident. No one would actually suspect the both of us were related!

“Ouch…”

I tried blowing the burnt patch of my skin; the pain on my hand tended to worsen. 

Today’s a quiet day for the mansion.

Albert has taken the week off; it’s an annual thing when he would travel back to his hometown to visit old friends and his parents’ grave.

Neither Sasuke or Mother knew anything more about the old butler except he was a loyal bachelor devoting his servitude to the Uchiha family.

Generally he’s attentive to intricate detail, a green thumb and a splendid patissier. His pastries are always seconds to crave for. 

Knowing Albert wasn’t around made the mansion feel quiet and empty.

Despite that he doesn’t speak much and his paces were soundless, without him lurking in the shadows and showing up at corners does have an effect around the place. 

Moreover, Mother and Sasuke were rather busy these days. They had to attend meetings almost every hour and came home later than usual.

Both parent and child had much to discuss about the family business and other important commitments even at the dining table which I couldn’t quite understand much. 

Sasuke did mention that after he was finished being busy, he would like to take me to see the horizon at sea. Saying that he always wished to share the view with his partner the first time he sailed with his father. 

I would like to someday. 

.

.

As I stepped up to the first floor from the last flight of stairs, I made no hesitation to proceed towards my bedroom.

Remembering that there was some ointment I had stached away in the drawer. Mama prepared a large bottle of it before I was wed away; she said I’ll be needing more of it being someone’s wife.

It worked like a charm everytime when I got hurt during kitchen duty at the brothel. She would slap some of it right on the place that calls for some along with a good hard rub. 

Tsunade Mama, I do missed her. 

It has been a year since we haven’t seen each other.

Though I was never worried about her well being but those under her. She works them hard and would not have second thoughts to slap anyone who disobeys her.

I’ve been there, done that; she hit me with her fan whenever I got the wrong note during music practice and once got no dinner for breaking wine cups for being careless.

Nevertheless, she always cared for us.

Not only did she make sure we had enough to eat, she made it clear we couldn’t be bullied by anyone other than herself; many times stood up for us against rude customers, sending them flying out of the door.

‘My girls are not cheapskates like the likes of you. Money is not something you can trade for anything at my place!’

Her words, it’s still very clear in the back of my mind. Her fearless hazelnut eyes that glare disgustedly at those men remained a memory like it was yesterday.

She’s fearless and fearful. 

.

As soon as I approached the bedroom, I noticed the door was slightly ajar. 

That couldn’t be, it should have been properly closed. A habit I adhered. I thought I was finally careless but,

It didn’t take long for me to assure my doubts when the sound of clinking glass that came from the inside. 

An intruder.

And none did I expect it happened to be Laila. 

What was she doing in my room?

I had completely forgotten about her presence around the house being too absorbed in the world of my own and throbbing of my hand. 

Clenching my teeth a little, I didn’t like how that blonde girl helped herself into my private chamber and as I watched her disorganizing my cosmetics on the dressing table made me grow more irritated. 

“What are you doing?” with a stern tone, I used my voice knowing that no one would be around. 

It’s just me and her. 

Laila smirked at me, placing one of those bottles of perfume in a careless manner.

I frowned; not only my dressing table was messy, the pillows on the couch were scattered on the floor and she even went through the drawers and cupboards I noticed. 

“What are you doing here, Laila?” repeating; angry at her unwelcoming presence. 

Sneaking around, not thinking that she might be caught when Albert wasn’t around. Her luck wasn’t by her side today. However she doesn’t seem to look surprised or anxious about it, instead she casually walked around the place, rightfully taking her time to observe the room. 

Hadn’t she had enough?

Since how long was she here?

What was she up to?

Questions flooded my mind as I retained my silence as I watched her run her fingers along the wood frame of MY couch. 

“Oh, it’s nothing,” she began,

Subsequently sitting on my precious furniture without permission.

“I must say this room is much bigger than mine. The balcony view is much better, you could see the main gate from here,”

“Unlike mine. I was given some random secondary room with a tree so large that it happened to block the view of the BACK garden. In the morning, various birds just liked to play around making all sorts of noise waking me. I hate birds, they are so annoying.”

I listened to her complaint without any reply.

At heart, I do not quite bother about her cries and part of me was cruel enough to think that she deserved nothing better than me.

I am Sasuke’s wife;

His first wife, I should have been the only one and the one he loves.

If it wasn’t for the threatening Harunos, Laila wouldn’t have been around. Never today.

Therefore, the smaller back room that she was given, located at the other wing of the mansion fits her well!

Far, far away from mine. 

Moreover, my room is one of those front master bedrooms aside from Mother’s. I deserved this not her!

And how dare she had the guts to complain when being here was a deal of my sacrifice. 

And that bulging stomach; a gift that I could never have. 

And a sight that made me nauseous. Every time. 

“I am jealous,  **brother** .”

What did she just call me?

“I never thought I couldn’t be the slightest match to you.”

What the hell was she blabbering about?

“You know what?” she smiled;

A one smile that made it clear we were both closely related by blood even when our appearances differ. I kept forgetting that I do share the same blood of those who I came to hate; those who intimidated me. 

“I hate you,  **Akira** .”

Yes. 

I feel the same too, Laila. 

“That husband of yours--wait, that’s my husband as well,” she tapped her chin, correcting herself.

“Every time we  **do it** , I don’t feel the slightest pleasure at all. Not even a hint. I would like to think he was a ‘quick’ man but I cannot stop myself from thinking that he never wanted me from the beginning if it wasn't for  **this’** sake!”

She placed a hand on her growing belly. 

“That’s what we’ve agreed on, in case you forgot, Laila,” I stared clearly. 

It was part of the deal.

“I know,” she flicked her hair aside. “But somehow, I am starting to feel like I really  **am** Mrs. Uchiha.”

...What was she trying to imply?

Something tells me this female was up to another kind of no good. Again, greed. Just like her parents. 

What does she want from Sasuke...from me!?

“I pity myself. For a woman to be losing the charm to a man. That doesn’t sound really sporting to me,” she frowned at me; our gazes clashed as the both of us planned not on surrendering. 

“You. What do you have that I don’t and what I have you can never have. I’m starting to think I should be THE Mrs. Uchiha.”

“Know your place, Laila! You are here on behalf of those Harunos. Nothing more.”

I couldn’t help but to raise my voice a little. This impudent female has become a threat herself. 

If I were smarter, I shouldn’t have agreed with these crooks. Thinking that they were only using me for riches; only money but never did I come to think that Laila...has taken interest in my husband too. 

I’m afraid. 

I’m afraid that I’m about to lose more than I’ve expected. More than just an identity exposed. 

“Don’t forget, you’re an imposter.  **Brother** .”

Again!

“Watch your tongue, Haruno!”

She’s trying to provoke me at a time like this!?

Intentionally kept reminding me of who I really am.

What I am. 

“As if you’re not one, Haruno Akira!” she stood up. “Quit acting like you’re different. You’re just another thief like us. You  **stole** Sakura’s identity to get things your way.”

“I didn’t!”

She dared speak about my little sister; someone she never met or knew the slightest! 

Hateful...such a hateful tongue!

I swear. We could never become family; she’s never a sister I would acknowledge!

“Then what was it? How did you get into the Uchiha family then? If it wasn’t by wearing women’s clothing, make-up, growing your hair long enough to deceive people and that voice...you pretended to be mute!”

What was ringing in my ears…? Truth?

An imposter...I truly am…

But.

It wasn’t me.

Not from the beginning. 

I was trying to survive. 

Laila,

Mebuki,

Kizashi,

You will never know how it has been during the years in the brothel before I stepped into the light, debuted as Haruno Sakura.

I earned the better days through hardship. I was worth-less in many ways as a boy if it wasn’t for Tsunade Mama; she did all she could to hide me for the Red Light District forbids male servants and the Lower District was where I should belong and was a living hell.

I saw it with my own eyes.

The boys...by any skin or age were dragged in chains around their necks. Like goods being stockpiled from the back alley way. And when they were sick or useless, they were discarded and left to die in the rain. 

Some of their bodies began to rot in the alley before they were stacked and burned into ashes. The stench forever lingers in that place as the endless cycle continues.

Poor boys were just so unlucky.

As long as they were sold away by their families, there would be nothing left to hope for. 

That’s why, Laila was right.

She was such a pity to be held puppet by those Harunos.

Whereas I…

I got to be free from their tyranny and is loved by the most loving person.

I truly am unlucky to be lucky. 

Despite I’ve cheated the world of the true me but I’ve gained love as much as the whole world could have given me from just one person. 

I realised the Heavens have treated me fair enough even when I cannot have the ability to bear  **his** children. 

Without another word, I wished not to continue this argument. I withdrew myself from our conversation and headed to the drawer to fetch some ointment as I’ve intended to from the beginning. 

“What? Can’t talk back anymore?” she spoke from our distance, 

“Oh yes, I almost forgot. We need you to do one more thing again.”

Hmph.

First she irritated me and now she demanded a request?

How absurd these people could get.

I paid her no attention and applied the salve onto my aching skin. It has turned swollen from all that meaningless talking. I don’t think I could hide it with my sleeve either, Sasuke would be furious at me for being careless especially when I snuck into the kitchen without assistance.

With him around the mansion, he usually forbids me to do many things. Telling me to sit still to watch him study or work, had me play him music or stay by his side. 

“We want cargo,”

Laila began; the tone of her voice proves that this was one of those Harunos’ orders. 

I sighed at heart. Cargo?

What were they trying to do this time?

“I overheard the conversation between the Uchihas these days. They say they have successfully acquired ships!” 

“Ships…?”

“Yeah, a fleet of transport ships! Do you know not many could actually afford even one? The Uchihas were planning to export goods to foreign lands.”

Laila sounded thrilled for some reason and to me, my intuition was warning me that danger was about to stir once more. 

“You really don’t know much about the Uchihas, don’t you?” a remark that I took it personally. 

Indeed I am worth-less, use-less.

I do not know a thing about what my husband was doing after he stepped out of the mansion and not in our bedroom. Not only that, I also knew very less about things going on behind these mansion walls. 

My heart sank. 

“Doesn’t matter about that. All you need to do is pull another string either with Sasuke or Mother. Get them to have a business deal with this allied company.”

She shoved a business card into my hand. 

I hardly identify such a company; not within my limited knowledge. 

“It’s a pharmaceutical company; manufacturing medicine for your information.”

She added as I continued to stare blankly at it. 

“Initially, I was supposed to pull this off myself. But seeing that Sasuke doesn’t seem to take any fancy to me. Mother was only concerned about me having a child and wouldn’t really take my wishes into account. Hn,” she snorted.

“In the eyes of both mother and son, I didn't think that my existence was really  **just a tool** . That’s why I was quite irritated that a man in disguise could really outshine me,”

She intentionally paused to make herself sound superior,

“What if Mother knew about it?”

“You dare!” 

“Oh, I won’t...unless you force me to.”

Another threat. 

How many times would this continue until it's over!? 

Probably never. Sigh...

“What do you want...for the last time...What do you people want!?”

I could hardly control my emotions; I began panicking at the sound of that menace. My head throbs as much as my hand. 

These criminals just won’t let me be. 

“Simple. We want to get  **these** into other countries,” Laila took out a small bottle she kept hidden in her pocket. 

Powder.

White powder that I identified from one look through the transparent glass bottle. 

Something I knew all too well about that kind of good. 

.

_ Drugs. _

.

There were plenty of these in the Districts; Red or Lower.

Some of the customers who came to the brothel used them as a deal making exchange, some of them used them for entertainment and some needed them just to cling to life. 

Mama forbids these powders inside the brothel. No matter who brought them, the moment she knew, she would seize them and call the police.

She dug deep hatred for these things.

The story was backed to the time before she took over the business, many died in the brothel because of it. Her own brother was also one of the victims of the powder. She despises it to this very day. 

Greed. 

All from greed.

The Harunos are trying to ruin other peoples’ lives for the sake of money…

I can never do it. 

“I cannot agree!” turning away, I couldn’t digest the fact that I was about to be a criminal. 

I had caused too much trouble already. I don’t want to do anything more foolish. Holding back my tears, I hope to cry aloud but not in front of this inhumane woman.

Selfish, greedy, inhuman Harunos!

I have to calm down this time. I had enough being steered by their nefarious schemes. I have to help Sasuke, the Uchihas before they board the same fate altogether.

I will prevent them from being branded criminals.

It’s better than the shame of knowing my identity as a man!

I’m willing to give myself up this time. 

If they were going to expose me. Then do it!

I will not agree to bridge their motives for the sake of protecting my dignity.

It has to end...just a bit sooner than I thought. 

I shouldn’t have let myself submit into the fear of losing my identity as Haruno Sakura.

I shouldn’t let Laila into the Family.

I shouldn’t have agreed to marry Sasuke.

.

**_So...now._ **

.

Laila somehow grew irritated and charged at me, spilling the bottle of salve all over the floor. She grabbed my hand where it hurt, intentionally squeezing it, hoping that I would fall to obedience once more.

“You must have forgotten that there is no place for you to disagree!” she hissed. 

.

**_I’m giving it all back._ **

**_Unwind time._ **

.

I flung my hand to get her to release me, Laila took a step backwards from the sudden force. I began to leave; distant myself from that blonde girl.

It’s a shame that a girl of her age had turned out to be this way. If she were born from a better family, I think she would be a beautiful woman.

Unlike now, her beauty was shrouded with wicked intentions taught by her parents. 

Our parents. 

“Stop right there! I wasn’t done talking to you!” her voice echoed along the corridors.

Never turning back, I have to get away from her. I need to do something to stop her from pursuing me.

Laila was surprisingly quick to match my pace despite she had extra weight from her pregnancy; preventing me from getting down the stairs.

Her ignorant attitude towards the child in her womb made me angry; the fact that she took no mind into keeping that little life safe. Being too absorbed in carrying out her assigned mission. 

“Stop this, Laila.”

I faced her.

I do not wish for her to exhaust her body further, not with the child inside her. If she has no means to protect it, I will. No matter who the mother shall be, that life was a creation of my husband’s. 

I am jealous of her too. 

If only it was me bearing it. 

Laila began panting heavily from all that chasing. I should blame myself for being ignorant too. I shouldn’t have ran. If anything happens to the baby, I couldn’t forgive myself. 

“Stop this, Laila. Let’s talk again after the child is born.”

I decided. 

“No!” she snapped. “How long do you think that will be, huh?”

“This is not something I could simply agree with. This is powder you’re talking about!”

I growled quietly now that we’re outside the room and by the stairs, I fear someone my hear me,

“Moreover, I have no idea how to convince--”

“Don’t play dumb. I  **am here** and  **pregnant** . Just. As. Planned.”

Ch!

She made it sound as if I...I...Oh…

I never wanted all this.

“I cannot...I do not wish to hurt Sasuke…,” I shook my head. “Why me…? Why me?”

“Now is not the time to be emotional, brother. We are in a hurry to get the shipment out of the country. With the Uchiha’s cargo, we can slip the goods in. On top of that, with the Uchiha name, no one will dare question. The goods will pass through inspection and we’re done. Simple as that.”

Why…

Why…

Fed up, I turned away and began descending down the steps. I forgot about Laila when I was overly drowned by dilemma and confusion, then it happened.

I could have prevented this if I kept my mind cool. 

Laila tripped on her own feet as she tried to catch up to me once again. 

I should have handled myself better…

.

.

.

.

.

**Uchiha Hospital**

.

‘Ugh…!’

My back.

It hurts so much that I couldn’t move the slightest. 

‘Agh…!’

Biting my lower lip from the stinging pain that paralyzes me as I tried to get a glass of water from my bed table. 

So useless of me. 

I never thought I could be this fragile;

Catching Laila from her fall and protecting her as we rolled down that long flight of stairs together. I was thankful that she was alright, the child was alright. 

As for me, I made the necessary sacrifice. 

My forehead got bruised.

Worse of all, my back took a lot of damage, I fell on it first thing the moment I caught Laila. That I did hear a sickening crack but time was too short for me to determine what broke. 

Overall, Naruto said I should be glad that I was wide awake to feel the pain and not to be in comatose.

If it wasn’t for Sasuke and Mother who came home in the nick of time, I don’t think I would be in any better condition as I am currently. 

The panic face of my beloved was ingrained into my memory; he was stunned on the spot as I laid motionlessly at the bottom of the stairs. His worried calls that echoed fadingly in my head had a hint that he was on the verge of crying before I shut my eyes. 

Now here I am, hospitalised. 

Bedridden to be exact. 

“Ahh!”

I accidentally let out a yelp out of pain from straining too much as I tried to get a drink. The glass cup just slipped away from the tip of my fingers, moving further away from grasp. Great.

With no one around in this single-bedded luxurious room, I laid still; giving up and hoping that Sasuke would return as soon as possible. 

Naruto had taken both my husband and Mother to his office. It’s the procedure kind of thing and explaining whatever X-rays they needed to see. And etcetera. 

But it was quite some time since they left. I began wondering what they were discussing about, keeping them long enough. 

Remembering Laila which almost slipped my mind; I was thankful again that my efforts were worthwhile. A broken bone or two paid the price of keeping that tiny life safe.

It’s not that I do not care about the mother. 

Laila just became someone I do not wish to see for now. Something got me curious about whatever happened while I lost consciousness. 

Somewhere in my heart was hoping that Sasuke would have ignored her and just worry about me only.

It was a mean, selfish thinking; I doubt it would have been that way.

She  **is** bearing his child after all. 

While I occupied myself with thoughts of my own, the door finally opened after a polite knock.

Should be Sasuke, I expected with relief. 

“Sakura, how are you feeling dear?”

M-Mother? 

Disappointed still I replied by nodding. Mikoto approached me with a gentle smile as she brought over a suitcase. 

“I quickly got home and packed a few clothes for you. Hospital gowns certainly are not comfortable.”

It was really thoughtful of Mother.

But.

“I also brought you some fresh underpants. I’ll help you change now. You’ll feel much better.”

That’s when I began to panic. 

I tried not to make it obvious and immediately did all I could to turn her down. This is bad. This is bad! 

It’s too soon...

“Don’t be shy, dear. There’s no one around. We’re both  **women** after all.”

No...not yet…

Sasuke!


End file.
